Sexting inspires comparisons
My wife’s best friend recently went through a period where she was unhappy in her marriage.
She began sexting with willing male partners and then sharing some of the pictures she had received with my wife.
I know about this because my wife asked me to fix the Wi-Fi on her phone.
While I was working on her phone, her friend texted one of these photos.
Alarmed and a little shocked, I opened the text message string and found myself in a world of hurt.
My wife was not only tacitly giving her friend permission to send these pictures, but she was comparing my physique unfavorably to these men.
When I confronted my wife about this, her first reaction was to change the passcode on her phone.
She has since apologized, but I’m still having trouble.
I can’t seem to shake the feeling that she finds me unattractive when compared to other men, and whenever her friend is around, I feel very embarrassed and ashamed knowing that my body was described unfavorably to her in such explicit detail.
What should
I do?
— Embarrassed
DEAR EMBARRASSED >>
Your wife has embarrassed, disrespected and disappointed you, and you are left wondering what YOU should do about it.
Your wife is the person who needs to behave differently.
When a partner gets caught behaving badly, their instant and universal instinct is often to very quickly attempt to sweep the problem away. A typical reaction is to issue a swift apology, insist that you “move on,” and then refuse or avoid discussing the problem further.
Do not suffer silently. Describe how her behavior makes you feel, using “I” statements: “I’m embarrassed. I’m discouraged. I feel unloved. I really need to talk about this.”
You deserve an apology. A real one. One where your wife demonstrates that she understands the impact of her rudeness.
If you cannot successfully navigate this with her, you should make an appointment with a couples’ counselor. If she dismisses the need, you should go on your own.
DEAR AMY >> On the subject of how to inspire people to RSVP for events in a timely manner, my friends sent an invitation but did not put the location of the event on the invitation. That was sent after the RSVP was received.
Now I try to RSVP the very day I receive an invitation. I usually know right away if I can or don’t want to attend. It takes a load off the mind and helps the one who sent the invitation.
— Learned My Lesson
S AR L ARN S >> Withholding the location is a clever technique.