Visiting friend flouts house rules
DEAR HARRIETTE >>
My friend doesn't seem to respect my conservative family or their rules. She and I come from two completely different types of households.
I am a first-generation American born to two immigrants, so I've had a substantially different upbringing from those of my friends. My family doesn't like cursing, drinking or smoking of any sort in their home, and most people seem to understand this. This friend simply doesn't understand why she can't cuss or drink around my parents. I've had to remind her to watch her mouth on several occasions when she's been in our home. Is this a bad sign? Should I stop inviting her over?
— Disrespectful
DEAR DISRESPECTFUL >>
Yes, you should stop inviting that friend to visit you. Just because your family's values are different doesn't mean that she has the right to ignore them. She is being selfish and rude. Your parents deserve to be treated with respect in their home. The fact that she is oblivious to her rude behavior is troubling.
Be aware that there are plenty of American families that do not appreciate cursing, drinking or smoking in their homes. Your family is not so unusual in that regard, and they have every right to keep their own rules where they live.
Talk to your friend. Let her know that if she cannot respect your parents, she cannot come over anymore. Period. If that ends your friendship, it is likely for the best. Everyone must learn how to be respectful of others' traditions and differences. If she cannot do that, she is not a healthy friend for you.
DEAR HARRIETTE >> I am no longer emotionally invested in the career I was once so passionate about. I chose a career in music journalism, but I find that specific field to be unimportant (and somewhat corny) now. I simply no longer believe in it. Unfortunately, it's all I know. I've invested years of internships and effort building a portfolio in a field that I no longer care for.
Do you think that this will pass and that I will someday become passionate about it again? What should I do?
— Career Confusion
DEAR CAREER CONFUSION
>> Many people change careers after years of investment. It can be hard to do, but it is definitely possible.
What you should first do is figure out your transferable skills. For example, you are a writer. Even though you have focused on the music industry so far, surely you can write about other things too. Look for opportunities to write about other areas of interest even if you have to volunteer to do so for free in the beginning.
Get out there and learn which media outlets cover topics that you care about. Pitch article ideas that interest you. Send writing samples of your published work even if they're not relevant. They will help an editor see your writing style.
Think about what you want to do next. Figure out how you can prepare for the next area. Do you need to take a class? If so, sign up now. Do you need to join a networking association? Go for it. With enthusiasm, plot your course. You can follow a new path and be successful. Start now!
Harriette Cole is founder of DreamLeapers, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. Send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.