Apathy toward anniversary shows
DEAR HARRIETTE >> My anniversary is coming up and I don't care. My husband and I have been bickering so much that I honestly don't even know if I want to stay married anymore. The last thing I want to do is pretend that everything is peachy when half the time I am burning up inside.
Part of me feels bad, though. We have been married for a long time. Not acknowledging that is kind of sad. But then I realize I'm the one doing all the thinking about this. Usually, I am the one who arranges for us to go out to dinner or otherwise do something to celebrate the day. I'm tired and done. What should I do?
— Not Celebrating
DEAR NOT CELEBRATING
>> Rather than sitting in your misery or planning something insincere, why not plan a conversation, a true heart-to-heart, with your husband? Sit down with him and tell him the truth. Let him know how you feel and be specific. Just because you have been married for a long time doesn't mean you have to be stuck in an unhappy life. Tell him what bothers you. Ask him how he feels about your life together. Talk openly and calmly about what you want for yourself and how you think he fits into that.
What do you think needs to happen, either to save your marriage or to end it? If you think therapy would help, invite him to go to therapy with you. Urge him to take this seriously. Do not blame him for your unhappiness. You are responsible for your state of being, but you can point out to him what you believe will make you happier. If you can suggest things that he can do to sweeten your life together, do that. Make the effort to reignite the flame of your love. If he is unwilling, perhaps it is time for you to make a difficult decision.
DEAR HARRIETTE >> I don't think that the company that I work for is being genuine with all of the new diversity, equity and inclusion practices that they are implementing. Everything seems so performative and forced. I think that they brought on a new HR person to make the minority employees of the company feel better, but I don't feel any better. I expressed this to my boss while we were having a candid conversation and I was met with hostility. Is this a good reason to leave the company? — Pandering
DEAR PANDERING >> It takes time for new practices to take root. Many companies added DE&I leaders to their teams in the past two years with the intention of improving employee interaction and overall morale. Many employees are expressing similar concerns to yours. For some, over time, things will improve.
Not always, though.
You may want to speak to the DE&I lead to find out what plans are in development and how you can help. The task forces that formed recently at many companies have proved to be helpful in implementing concrete ideas that further DE&I strategies. Perhaps your company can use that type of support from within. Before you leave, see what you can do to help. Unfortunately, wherever you go next may not be much better in this regard. So, if you do plan to leave, do your research to ensure that wherever you land has proven efficacy in this space.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.