Friend brings new boyfriends for holidays
DEAR HARRIETTE »
My best friend spends pretty much every holiday with my family because she really doesn't have a family of her own. She's estranged from her parents and siblings and lives across the country from all of them. I love having her with me for the holidays; she's the sister I never had.
Over the years, my friend has brought over different men and has made quite the ordeal about inviting them each time. She has brought four different men to my family home over the past three years and introduced all of them as her boyfriend.
As we are approaching my family's Fourth of July celebration, do you think it would be rude if I asked her not to bring another man over this year? It feels wrong to keep subjecting my family to a different stranger every year when it ultimately never works out anyway.
— Too Many Dates
DEAR TOO MANY DATES » There are two ways to look at this. You could tell her that you and your family are a bit uncomfortable with her overthe-top displays with these different men at each celebration. It's hard to keep track of who's who with the way that she brings these men into your home. You can recommend that she not make such a fuss over a guy if she chooses to invite someone. Let him simply be introduced as a friend, and you all see over time what he becomes. Another option is to come solo.
Or you can just accept your friend for who she is. She's the sister who falls hard for men, but the relationships don't always last — at least not yet.
Check in with your parents to see how they feel about it. It is their home. If they would like a reprieve from her dates, tell her as much. If not, just be in the moment and don't judge her.
DEAR HARRIETTE » I went to visit my sister recently after two years of not seeing each other due to the pandemic. We have a weird relationship. She's the oldest child, and she continues to try to control everything. She's super neat, and I'm messy. During my visit, every time I stood up, she looked to see what I was going to do next. It is awkward being around her because I always feel like I'm going to mess up.
Sure enough, I used her guest bathroom a few times, and one time, late at night, I mistakenly used the towel rack to balance as I stood up and broke it off the wall.
Now I have damaged my sister's house. I am so embarrassed. How can I make it up to her? She doesn't want money, but she is annoyed.
— On the Outs
DEAR ON THE OUTS » Apologize again for what was obviously an accident. Offer to pay for the repairs, even if it's only a ceremonial gesture. Make sure your sister knows that you didn't mean to do damage to her home. Hopefully, she sees the bigger picture: You made the effort to travel to spend time with her after so long apart.
Harriette Cole is founder of DreamLeapers, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. Send questions to askharriette@ harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.