Friendship tested over lost cat

DEAR AMY >> My friend's cat has been missing for two weeks.

I have been supportive in helping her try to find the cat. I also feel her pain.

I always have had cats, but since losing a cat 30 years ago, I have always kept my cats indoors.

My friend lives in a canyon with lots of wildlife, including coyotes, mountain lions, owls and other predators. (She had another cat that had to have its leg amputated because it was caught in a rabbit snare.)

Her remaining cat is still allowed outside. These are small 2-year-old cats!

I'm having a hard time with this. I know it's her cat, but I can't stand the thought of another one going missing due to this thoughtless behavior.

I'm feeling very judgmental/angry and may not want to stay friends with her.

I can't decide if I should sit by and not judge, or should I bail on the friendship?

— Cat Lover and Friend

DEAR CAT LOVER >> There are many credible reports showing that allowing a cat to roam outdoors significantly shortens its lifespan and that indoor cats live much longer.

This is from the ASPCA (aspca.org): “Please keep your cat indoors. Outdoor cats do not live as long as indoor cats. Outdoor cats are at risk of trauma from cars, or from fights with other cats, raccoons and free-roaming dogs. Coyotes are known to eat cats. Outdoor cats are more likely to become infested with fleas or ticks, as well as contract infectious diseases.”

Your friend is ignoring this commonsense advice and her young cats are paying the price.

Tell her that you are hoping for the very best outcome and that you will do everything you can to help.

You don't want her to feel worse than she currently does, but you can hope to encourage her to treat her animals differently.

Once there is some resolution to this, I do think you should tell her that you find it upsetting that she allows her cats to freely roam outside, given the many risks they face.

And yes, depending on how she responds to you and her animals, this would be a tough thing to get beyond.

DEAR AMY >> I didn't really appreciate your feminist snide remarks in your response to “Upset Dad”: “Your reward is that you get to tell the kids that they are going to finish out their scheduled school week before going on vacation.”

Real mature! — No Longer Reading

DEAR NO LONGER >> This dad had offered his kids two extra days of vacation without running the idea past his wife.

I suggested that he needed to take responsibility for his poor parenting by undoing his unilateral choice.

I'll be adding “Snide Feminist” to my T-shirt collection. Thank you!