How to handle inappropriate, stress-induced communication

I recently read information about a new Preply study that covered the topic of stressinduced communication.

According to that study, 87% of Americans “admit to using regrettable language under stress” and “over two-fifths of employees acknowledge that their words, under stress, have sparked misunderstandings or conflicts in the workplace.”

How should someone who has been offended by a co-worker respond? And how can someone who suspects they’ve sent an email or said something in a meeting that might have offended someone limit the damage done?

It can be a tough situation — and it’s one that seems to be happening more and more in this era of instant communication, Dan Gallagher, vice president of operations for Aegle Nutrition, notes.

“It’s easy to respond from an emotionally charged place, especially when people are so used to, and almost demand, instant responses from people,” Gallagher says.

So, how should someone respond when they’ve been offended?

Instead of immediately confronting the person whose communication has offended, pause and reflect on the situation instead.

“Step back for a moment and take a deep breath,” says Daniel Brown, HR manager of Handy Cleaners, who suggests considering why the communication was worded in an offensive way.

Dan Dillon, founder and chairman of CleanItSupply.com, echoes Brown’s advice.

“For anyone who feels offended, I encourage having a direct, yet empathetic conversation with the other party involved, striving to understand their intent rather than focusing solely on the impact.”

“Strike the point you are trying to make without intensity and criticism,” adds Brown, who suggests saying something like, ‘“I was offended when you said X to me. Would you mind telling me where you were coming from?’”

If the communication involved a disagreement, Brown suggests looking for areas of agreement or shared aims. “Put attention on the fact that you aspire to maintain the basis of a trustworthy and friendly working relationship,” he says.

If you’re the offender, offering an apology is always the best option.

“If one suspects they might have offended a co-worker, promptly acknowledging the possible offense, apologizing genuinely, and aiming to understand the coworker’s perspective can greatly limit any damage done,” says Gianluca Ferruggia, general manager of DesignRush. “It’s all about fostering a respectful and understanding work environment.”

And to avoid the situation altogether, Gallagher offers this advice: “It’s easy to respond from an emotionally charged place, especially when people are so used to, and almost demand, instant responses from people. However, I’ve found that if it’s an important issue, it’s always acceptable to respond with, ‘I’m going to consider my response thoroughly before giving my answer,’ or something similar. You’ve responded quickly, but you’ve also not responded with something that could potentially damage your relationship with your co-worker. It’s perfectly acceptable to compose yourself before responding.”