Opening the door to an empty nest

Recently I dropped my youngest son off at college and instantly became an empty nester. For the first time since my oldest daughter was born more than 28 years ago, I have no children living in my home.

I’ve thought about this moment for a long time — sometimes dreamed of it, sometimes dreaded it. I imagined all possible scenarios, but the day we moved my son into his dorm room proved to be somewhat anti-climactic, and certainly unceremonious.

It was all logistics and practicalities. Where do we park? How do we get his stuff inside? Should I put the pop-up hamper by the door or behind the bed? No time for teary goodbyes or last minute words of wisdom, not with roommates, friends and families milling about.

My daughter and I drove my son the two hours to his college campus, helped make his bed and put his clothes in drawers, visited the bookstore, bought nothing practical, and then, after quick hugs, we left. And that was it. I returned home to an empty nest and my son was a college student.

Empty nesting is something I’ve contemplated a lot this summer. But when it finally happened, when I at long last unlocked the door and stepped into a house that no kids would be coming in and out of regularly, I realized there was only one thing I wanted to do: clean my son’s room.

He has spent a considerable amount of time in his room this summer, and none of it was dedicated to cleaning.

So, that’s what I did. I wasn’t home 15 minutes before dashing upstairs and making the bed. I picked up an assortment of socks and torn-off clothing tags from the floor. I threw away his senior year math notebook, three empty boxes and a war torn backpack he’d used through high school. I gathered up books and clothing that had been left behind and put them neatly away.

I’m not a particularly neat person, and my son’s not particularly messy. But he’s messy enough. It doesn’t bother him, for example, to leave candy wrappers on his desk indefinitely. Or socks on his floor permanently. But those things nag at me. So it was a relief to get rid of them.

And that, in a nutshell, is what makes the heartbreaking task of parting from your child, more bearable. Because the truth is, by the time kids turn 18, they have habits that drive a parent crazy. They either spend too much time in their room or too little time at home. They groan when you ask them to take out the garbage. And they never clean their rooms. If they didn’t move out you just might kill them.

My husband likes to say that teenagers naturally become more annoying as they get older so their parents don’t feel so sad when they leave.

Of course, we are sad that my

my son is gone, but, having sent two other children off to college before

him, we also realize that the road to independence is a long one. It may begin at the threshold of a freshman dorm room, but it doesn’t end there. My son will continue to rely on us for many things and

he will return to live with us during breaks and vacations and most likely after graduation.

His first year at college will be an adventure of sorts, for both him and us. While he discovers life

away from home, we will be rediscovering a life without kids. I’m not sure what roads that adventure will take me on, but I do know now where I plan to begin: in my son’s closet.

I’m going to clean

that thing out. It could take a while. I noticed there’s still a teddy bear in there.