Hoping for a purrfect ending to ‘All About Eve’

I’d be willing to bet good money that not one of you reading this has ever heard, let alone said, the following sentence:

“It’s like ‘All About Eve – the Cat Version.’ And Jumpy is Celeste Holm.”

Those odd but true words were spoken by my daughter after she entered my bedroom and saw that one of our three cats (Moe) was sleeping on me, and another – that would be Jumpy -- was lounging by my feet.

When you know the nuances of the cats’ personalities, that odd sentence actually makes sense.

But first, you have to know the plot synopsis of the awardwinning movie starring Bette Davis – From imdb: “An ingénue insinuates herself into the company of an established but aging stage actress and her circle of theater friends.”

Then, you have to know the players…

Jumpy is a sweetheart of a cat – an orange tabby who’s afraid of his own shadow. Hence, his name. In that sense he is not at all like Karen Richards, the character played by Celeste Holm in one of my all-time favorite movies. He is, much like Karen, a people-pleaser who just wants everyone to get along.

Ziva – truly the diva of the house. From the onset she established herself as queen of everything. She doesn’t walk to her food bowl, she sasheys. She bonded with me quickly, and clearly considered me her favorite human. She tolerates Kaitlyn but can’t be bothered with Tommy or Matthew. She did like my husband though, so she wasn’t a total man hater. This would be the feline Margo Channing.

Jumpy, Ziva and Oliver (who has since gone to pet heaven) came to us as feral kittens. Jumpy and Ziva were born a few houses down, under a shed. Oliver just showed up one day. We had all three trapped, neutered and returned (you have to love animal rescue organizations like Forgotten Cats). They went from feral to pampered faster than it took to set up a litter box.

The cats quickly developed traits and personalities all their own – with Jumpy twitching with excitement every time a human looked his way, and Ziva establishing that it was her house, and we were here to serve her.

She decided that my bed was hers, and that I was a pretty good pillow for her, because I served a dual purpose – I also scratched her head and neck. She liked that. So, every night she sat at the bottom of the steps and beckoned me (meowed really loudly) until I went up to bed.

We fell into a nice little routine – and we both appreciated the calmness and serenity that came from the nightly structure. Then came Moe. New kid on the block. Interloper. Bully. Brat.

You name it – he’s been called it. And now he’s the feline male Eve Harrington.

But his given name (if cats had birth certificates) came courtesy of Matthew.

Not long after my husband died another litter of kittens was born in the neighborhood. Thinking new life would bring some positive energy into our house, I put dibs on one of the kittens. My neighbor told me that all of the kittens, but one, had a home. I told her if she couldn’t find a home for that last one I’d take that kitten as well.

So, it came to pass we were going to get two kittens. When I told the kids that we were going to bring in two more cats, I got some pushback.

My older son warned me that 4 cats put me dangerously close to claiming the title of “Crazy Cat Lady” of the neighborhood. I was very much aware of that, but I didn’t care.

And Matthew was pretty determined in his vote against adding 2 more cats.

Matthew has always, always said “mo,” as in the opposite of yes.

So, when I told him of the impending additions, he simply said, “Mo.”

Moe, I said, is a perfect name for the kitten! In reality, I knew he was saying he absolutely, positively DID NOT WANT MORE CATS added to the household. “MO!” he answered. Yes, I said, I agree, Moe is a great name for a cat.

Poor kid – he actually hit his head on the wall while saying, “You don’t understand, mo cats.”

It was a pretty funny back-and-forth – in a sadistic kind of way – but more importantly, ineffective. We were getting the cats, I told him, a boy and a girl, and the male would be Moe. The “Cat Crew,” a small group of people dedicated to helping and placing feral cats in the Norristown area, collected the stray kittens, had them neutered and returned them to us and their new home.

The girl stayed in our house approximately 2 hours – Kaitlyn opened the door, not realizing that a scared kitten’s first thought is escape. We see our would-be girl kitten every so often frolicking across the street.

But Moe, well Moe has spent the last year trying to stage a coup over Ziva – an extremely hostile takeover, and it hasn’t been pretty.

They can’t be in the same room as each other without hissing, swatting and snarling at each – much like my older son and daughter behaved when they were growing up. I was really starting to believe that the cats were absorbing the traits of my children when “All About Eve – the Cat Version” went into production.

If only the cat version would wrap up easily and nicely like the movie – with Margo (Ziva) discovering that she no longer needs to dominate a scene to be happy and -- without remorse or anger -- relinquishes her crown to Eve (Moe).

I have a feeling, though, that fur will fly -- and fly furiously -- before that ever happens.

•••

There is no shortage of feral cats roaming the streets. As noted above, there are organizations, including the SPCA, that can offer some help with TNR (trap, neuter return/ release):

Cat Crew (who helped us with Moe, and the runaway girl kitten) - http:// catcrew.org

Forgotten Cats, Inc. (who helped us with Ziva, Jumpy and Oliver): http:// forgottencats.org/tnrassist.php

Pennsylvania SPCA offers TNR at all locations, with slight variations. Info: https://pspca.org/veterinary-services/tnr/

Stray Cat Blues - http:// www.straycatblues.org/ tnr-info/tnr-help-requestform/