Smoke the woke into yesterday’s joke

Without a doubt, there was a conspiracy to mess up my weekend.

First, I tried buying a gift for my niece, figuring you can’t go wrong with Dr. Seuss. Strike one, since those literary gems are being slammed by the “woke” left for “racial undertones.” Fine. Idiotic and demented, but fine. Attempting to go with something less “controversial,” I sought out the triedand-true Muppets, only to be told that they, too, were offensive, based on their historical content -- whatever that means, since they’re just fuzzy puppets. Strike two.

Forgoing books and videos, I sought the classic toy that kid and parent alike both love: Mr. Potato Head. But … no. I struck out again, since the legendary tuber has been emasculated due to the offensive binary descriptor “Mister.” (Under that “rationale,” one can only assume that Mr. Potato Head in the “Toy Story” movies will soon become a gender-neutral yam). And God forbid I go with Barbie, since that would undoubtedly be fatshaming because of the doll’s traditionally svelte figure.

To cheer myself up, I decided to pop a cold soda and watch a movie.

Then I saw news reports that a soft drink company invited employees to view an online “anti-racism” seminar, but where participants could then navigate to a tutorial that allegedly encouraged people to be “less white.” One of those slides reportedly stated: “To be less white is: To be less oppressive, to be less arrogant, to be less trusting, to be less defensive, to be less ignorant, to be more humble, to listen…to break with apathy and break with white solidarity.”

Makes you wonder -- if that’s “anti-racism,” what the hell does racism look like?

So I ditched the soda and put on Disney’s “Aladdin,” only to be met with the disclaimer: “This program includes negative depictions and/or mistreatment of people or cultures. These stereotypes were wrong then and are wrong now.” Ditto for a host of other Disney flicks.

In exasperation, I dusted off “Gone With The Wind,” only to find out that yes, that too is now considered racist.

Just as the media should not publicize the names of mass killers (to deprive them of that which they most desire -- attention), neither should we be a megaphone trumpeting every imbecilic uttering of the P.C. police. Starve them of their aphrodisiac, and many will stop. But that only works if the media, and we the people, have the will to see it through.

You want to cancel the cancel culture and upend political correctness? Good. But here’s a newsflash: complaining that “America is falling,” “the country is being torn apart,” “things are just crazy” inside a social media echo chamber of ten likeminded people, or commiserating over a few beers with friends, won’t change anything. Never has, never will.

By grumbling privately but remaining silent publicly, complacency and laziness take hold. To make a tangible difference, people can write letters to the editor, call talk radio, organize on social media (beyond their inner circle of friends), start a blog, and contact elected officials. Most of all, they can make their voice known to gutless corporate leaders who think appeasing the 20 percent takes priority over those who actually buy their products.

Problem is, most do the opposite.

They act like self-righteous blowhards on social media with prognostications that they will boycott Nike (who eliminated the Betsy Ross flag on their sneakers), tune out the NFL (no games and merchandise), and stop patronizing Starbucks because of its hypocrisy. And after two weeks, how many followed through? Almost none. And those companies know it.

Look at the golden opportunity punted away after a Tempe, Ariz., Starbucks discriminated against six police officers in 2019 by kicking them out on Independence Day. Instead of police and their supporters organizing a nationwide boycott to demonstrate their economic muscle, they rolled over and did nothing. So rather than getting a taste of its own bitter brew and making real changes, Starbucks got a free pass, and political correctness was, ironically, handed a victory by those most affected by its diabolical clutches.

People need to wake up, get a jolt of courage, and smell the coffee.

Whether it is Mr. Potato Head, or books that can’t be read;

A tequila drink, or Barbie in pink;

Green Eggs and Ham; or a monster Muppets jam;

Or a movie from Disney, being caught in a tizzy;

It’s time to be the vulture, that kills the cancel culture;

And smoke the woke, into yesterday’s joke.