Bothersome newcomer

DEAR ANNIE >> I have been involved with a local nonprofit animal activist group for the past 12 years. About three years ago, we had a woman whom I will call “Susan” join our group. Right off the bat, Susan was causing drama and even called the police on a volunteer who changed the password on our adoption site without telling anyone.

My gut told me that this wasn’t going to go well. She started off friendly with me, but she slowly developed a lot of anger toward me and has become a bully. I don’t mean to sound conceited, but I think she is jealous of all the work I put into the organization and what I have accomplished.

The last straw was when I found out that she hadn’t applied for a grant two years in a row because she didn’t think it was worth her time. This is a grant that we used to apply for every year and get money from every year.

She talked to other members and got one to nominate her for president. Fortunately, this didn’t work out. I made clear that I can’t work with Susan and would quit if she were president.

Annie, this has caused so much stress and pain to me and my family. I have cried so many tears over this. How can I continue to help the animals and stay with the group and handle being around this woman? — Frustrated Animal Activist DEAR FRUSTRATED >> It sounds as if someone needs to take charge of this situation to save the organization. Who better than you? You’ve been involved for years; it’s something you clearly care deeply about. And if even that unqualified drama queen can persuade people to nominate her, then you should be a shoo-in. Turn your frustration into action. DEAR ANNIE >> My opinion of your response to “Torn,” whose wife was asked to accompany their widower neighbor on a business trip for three weeks to do household tasks, differs from yours. I would strongly discourage it. The widower, being in his 60s, is not removed from sexual desires. My husband and I are in our 60s and enjoy a rich sex life. This 60-year-old man’s being alone in a condo for three weeks with a 30-year-old woman could lead to all sorts of things, whether planned or not. There are usually housekeeping services available for hire at these facilities, which the widower could take advantage of. The husband could offer to take his wife to that destination for their next vacation. My assessment is that the husband and perhaps you are a bit naive. Would you give the same advice if the widower were in his 30s or 40s? — J.S. DEAR J.S. >> I see your point, but I certainly hope you’re wrong. I stand by my advice that every relationship is different and that the only two people here who know what’s right for the marriage are the husband and wife. If he feels as if he can trust his wife, then he probably can. I’d much rather nurture trust than seeds of doubt; those can only grow into weeds that choke everything in their path.

It sounds as if someone needs to take charge of this situation to save the organization. Who better than you? You’ve been involved for years; it’s something you clearly care deeply about.