Man resents hosting parties

Dear Annie: I married into a family of seven. This family has since grown to 30 people. My wife and I took on the hosting of the annual Christmas get-together for the family, but it has gotten out of hand. With the exception of one year we spent in Hawaii at Christmastime, we have hosted the gathering; no one else has ever offered to host. To add to my perceived problem, there are some 16 to 19 other people who come to my home each Christmas Eve who are invited by others.

I will not go into all the mess they leave behind or the fact that I have funded this for all these years. It’s beginning to be a royal pain to me. My wife refuses to even consider cutting back on this out-of-hand party. Relatives, I can deal with, but all these uninvited-by-me guests are beginning to be a pain in the rear. My wife seems to think that once invited, always invited. I might add that I also have a large family on my side, whom we never entertain, at least not on the scale we do for hers. Am I just an old curmudgeon?

Crowded House

Dear Crowded House: You’re tired of hosting 30 family members and 20 people you hardly know every year. That doesn’t make you a curmudgeon; that makes you human. Talk honestly to your wife about your feelings. Find a compromise . If you’re frustrated that you don’t often host your side of the family, tell your wife that, too. The good news is you’ve got all year to work out a plan.

Dear Annie: A friend of mine died recently. I want to share some of the things that she and her nurses shared with me.

Remember that even on hospice care, your loved one is living. Place the hospital bed in the living room, where the patient can still have access to life. Do not relegate the person to the bedroom. You have no idea how long he or she will live. Your loved one will still want to smell scents coming from the kitchen, view the TV and have access to all the normal routines of life.

Keep all of your loved one’s favorite foods and beverages on hand; you don’t know when something might sound good to him or her. When you come to visit, bring some of those things, and please don’t forget to bring some along for the caregivers.

Finally, let the patient make the decisions when it comes to visits from family and friends. Betty

Dear Betty: I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for passing on the wisdom of your friend and her nurses.