Retirement brings headaches

Dear Annie: After working my whole life, I am retiring in a couple of weeks. My husband wants me to take care of his 97-year-old semi-invalid father, who expects a full cooked breakfast every morning at 7 o’clock. On top of that, my son and his wife, who work different shifts, expect me to care for their screaming 2-year-old toddler and their new baby.

I hate to say “no” to my family, but what about me?

Distressed in Utah

Dear Distressed: Someone was taking care of your fatherin-law up until this point. Can that person continue to do so? Perhaps you could hire a part-time caregiver who could be with him during the day. The same goes for your son and his wife. They should not rely entirely on you for child care.

Though setting boundaries may lead to some conflict with family members in the short term, it will make for healthier, less resentful relations in the long term.

Dear Annie: I am a gay man in my late 20s, and I’ve found myself in a very confusing situation. My best friend and I are so close we’re almost like siblings. She has three elder siblings, a sister and two brothers. I am incredibly close to all of them, especially one of her brothers, “Bryan.”

Bryan is like a brother to me. We tell each other we love each other. If he were gay, I would most likely be in a relationship with him. So compatible are we that his parents often joke that we would make the perfect couple.

However, my fraternal relationship with Bryan has always sort of had an undertone of his appreciating the fact that I find him attractive. It’s not uncommon for him to take his shirt off and ask me whether I think his workouts are paying off. I know that this is quite common with other people, too; straight men often relish the idea that they are the object of desire for gay men.

Now, I should probably mention that he has a girlfriend whom he loves and is about to move in with. But I still have these complicated feelings. Is he just teasing me? Confused

Dear Confused: I take it Bryan is confused, too. But that’s no excuse for his selfish behavior. He is using you for attention and validation, not only deceiving you — by giving you false hope for a relationship — but also deceiving his girlfriend. Tell him this needs to stop, and give yourself space and time to get over your feelings for him.