Reader seeks tips on how to be a good mother-in-law

Dear Annie: I would love to see some guidelines on being the mother-in-law people wish they had. I’m sure others would benefit, as well.

MIL-to-Be

Dear MIL-to-Be: The mere fact that you asked indicates you probably don’t have to worry too much about being a nightmare mother-inlaw. The qualities of a good mother-in-law are similar to the qualities of a good friend. Be supportive but not suffocating.

Offer input on their decisions only when asked. Remember that people rarely take advice even when they ask for it, let alone when they don’t. And unsolicited advice has a way of sounding like judgment. Provide practical help however you’re able -- whether that means offering babysitting or just a sympathetic ear. Make your son-in-law feel that he’s truly part of the family. Respect his boundaries, and try to trust his judgment.

When in doubt, think back to the golden rule. Treat your son-in-law as you’d like your mother-in-law to treat you. Congratulations on your daughter’s marriage.

Dear Annie: I was a bridesmaid for a good friend from high school. We grew up together in North Carolina and were once quite close. However, I’ve moved crosscountry since then, and now, though we talk in a group text every week, we aren’t so close. The wedding was back in North Carolina, in a location that was a bit hard to get to, but it was a wonderful experience. It was beautiful, loving and fun -- but also rather pricey, considering the dress, flights, hotel, rental car, bachelorette party and other expenses. I forgot to send a gift. The registry is empty now, and I don’t know what to get them. I’m considering asking my friend whether there’s anything else she wishes she’d received, but I’m scared she’s going to tell me something really expensive and I’ll feel obligated to purchase it. Should I reach out about the gift, or should I just try my luck purchasing something returnable? Bad Bridesmaid Dear Bad Bridesmaid: There are three routes you could go: a gift certificate to the store where the couple registered or to an upscale restaurant; a more personal gift, something that they may not have thought to ask for on a registry; or a plain old check for at least $100.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators .com.