Reader wants an open dialogue

Dear Annie: Sometimes my family members post things I disagree with online. I really don’t want to get into arguments with loved ones about politics, so I refrain from saying anything. I just talk to friends who already pretty much agree with me on the major issues. But that doesn’t seem right, either. Isn’t that part of why our country is so polarized right now? I feel that it’s my responsibility to have civilized discussions with people with whom I disagree so I might change their minds and they might change mine. Should I jump into these conversations and speak my mind? Unsure in Ohio

Dear Unsure: The vast majority of political “debate” on social media is an endless mudslinging contest. If you want to talk to your relatives about these issues, it’d be wiser to do so in person or at least over the phone so you can hear each other’s tone of voice. But it would be wiser still to focus your energy on effecting positive change in your community rather than on minds that don’t want changing.

Dear Annie: I’m pretty sure that I’m “the other woman.” I mean the kind who thirdwheels a relationship between a boy and his mother. I finally found a guy I am head over heels in love with, and he seems to feel the same way about me. But it was clearly too good to be true.

He is the only child of a single mother. At first, I thought she hated me, but then her sister let slip that I’m the favorite girlfriend so far. I realized that she just hates anyone who comes between her and her son. And honestly, that’s the last thing I want to do. Annie, I would love to be close to the family of the man I love. But I’ve tried, and she cannot stand me, and she cannot stand when he’s with me. She needs to know what he’s doing and conveniently needs him to run errands for her or bring her sweets or otherwise be at her beck and call when he is with me. I don’t want to make him choose, but how do I tell him to take action? Mommy’s Third Wheel

Dear Mommy’s Third Wheel:

Yes, you do have to talk to him about it. You’re not making him choose between the two of you. You’re simply asking him to set better boundaries. If he’s not sure where to begin, a book on this subject, such as “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” might offer some guidance.

If he’s truly a match, he won’t let his mom’s unhealthy attachment destroy the connection you have.