Reader silent about sexual assault for friend’s sake

Dear Annie: I have had a very close friend for many years. She was diagnosed with cancer, and I wanted to stand by her, of course. Then one night, her husband gave me a ride home from their house and tried to rape me.

She depends on him completely. She does not work outside the home, and her health insurance is through him. He is her only source of income. She is also absolutely devoted to him and has been since we were all in high school together.

Our group of friends always meets at their place. I couldn’t stand to be around him after that and walked away. I didn’t know how to handle the situation and just stopped coming around. I felt it was better for her to hate me than him, considering all. It hurt, but I felt that it was the right decision at the time.

The hardest part is that all of our friends decided that I deserted her because of the cancer and have turned their backs on me. None of them has spoken to me since. I made a choice that I cannot even explain to anyone, in order to protect her. I just miss them all so much. I am a pariah because I didn’t want to cause her more pain when she is already going through so much. I am also so angry with her husband. The only way to protect her is by keeping my mouth shut. And he is still her hero.

It all will have been worth it if she pulls through this. Still, it hurts so much, and I miss everyone.

Alone Because I Care

Dear Alone: I am so sorry that this happened to you. Whether attempted or completed, sexual assault is a trauma that can leave survivors with long-lasting negative effects. I understand why you haven’t come forward, especially because you’re trying to protect your friend. But this is not your burden to silently carry. I implore you: Please report this man’s crime to the authorities. He alone is responsible for his horrible actions. Whatever fallout comes when the truth’s out, those are consequences of his choices.

I encourage you to call the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800-656-4673) to speak with someone about your experience. It’s totally confidential, and someone is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You are not alone.