Babysitter wants payment

Dear Annie: I’m a college sophomore. Recently, I baby-sat for a friend of a friend who is a few years older and lives in town with her husband and two kids. One was an infant, and the other was a toddler. It was a relatively easy baby-sitting gig; the little one mostly just slept, and the older one was not too much trouble. I watched them for about three hours while the parents went on a date. At the end of the night, the mom said, “Well, it would be tacky to pay you, so I’ll just take you to lunch sometime.” I felt awkward and said, “Oh, OK. Sure.” I wasn’t sure what else to say.

It’s not as if she and I were friends; this was my first time meeting her. I’m trying to pay my way through college with a work-study gig and any other odd jobs I can pick up. Every little bit counts, even if it’s just $20. Was I wrong to expect some payment? Baby Sitter Blues

Dear Baby Sitter Blues: There’s nothing tacky about trying to pay the bills. The next time she or anyone else asks you to baby-sit, provide your rates upfront.

Dear Annie: I wanted to submit this letter of forgiveness that I wrote to my dad.

When I was 4, you walked out and left us. I didn’t understand why you were leaving.

You would come pick us up every Sunday, spend the day with us and drop us off. Then you would leave again. My heart would break when I would see you drive away.

I asked you to come let me live with you. You came down to pick me up and then said you couldn’t take me.

Years later, I would come to visit, and as I walked to my car to leave, you would apologize to me. To hear you say you were sorry for not being there broke my heart, because I felt it should have been an easy choice.

Many years later, as you sat in a rehab facility, I came to visit you. I said my final goodbye. As the nurses pushed you away in the wheelchair, my heart sank.

I learned a lot about forgiveness in my relationship with you. This has been a real gift to me. Going through my relationship with you has helped me be a better father. I’m healing my heart by giving him what I never had. I hope that when you are looking down on me, you are proud of the father I have become. Jay

Dear Jay: I have said that putting pen to paper is a cheap and effective form of therapy. But this is something even more special: the gift of forgiveness. Thank you for sharing it.