Friend befriends abusive ex

Dear Annie: I got out of a relationship with an ex who was physically abusive to me. And though I can now look back at it as a blessing in disguise, I can’t deny the fact that it broke my heart and soul into a million pieces and has left a lot of emotional scar tissue. Anyway, a close friend of mine, “Pam,” recently mentioned that she sees my ex and his girlfriend (the woman he was cheating on me with) fairly often. She even told me that she and this girl have had one-on-one conversations about how they would like to be friends but can’t because of me.

Pam did not know either of these people before this. In fact, she helped pick up the pieces after the relationship blowup. I just don’t understand why she would actively grow friendlier and friendlier with my ex and his girlfriend. I told her that I was confused and hurt by this information, and she thought I was being overdramatic. Am I being selfish? Is there a proper way to handle this? Wish It Didn’t Bother Me

Dear WIDBM: Though you can’t make rules for your friends, you can make rules for you and your mental health. One of those rules might be to not spend time with people who actively associate with your abuser — not to punish them but to protect yourself. You can explain as much to Pam by saying, “This makes me very uncomfortable. I can’t dictate whom you’re friends with, and I won’t stand in the way, but I also can’t give it my blessing. I need to move forward and heal myself emotionally, and that means keeping a safe distance from the person who abused me.”

Dear Annie: My folks are in their 90s, and they considered a senior living facility. They chose another route: aging in place.

Aging in place is becoming very popular. Many seniors who find they need help with more and more tasks want to stay in a familiar environment. Caregivers can be hired — from once a week to full time — and may be similar in cost to a facility.

In our situation, we were lucky enough to be able to purchase the house next door. We made a gate and pathway between the two houses. Now they have visits from family every day. They are secure knowing that they will live out their years among family but in their own home. Aging in place was the best choice for their situation. Delighted Daughter in CA Dear Delighted Daughter: What a blessing, both for you and for them. Thanks for sharing your experience.