DEAR ANNIE Possible hoarder admits to snooping around on others

Dear Annie: I have a friend who I think is a snoop. She has admitted to looking in her sister-in-law’s closet when said sister-in-law was not home.

I haven’t seen her looking through my stuff, but I once found her with her hand on the doorknob of my laundry. I feel sure she was looking while I was in the bathroom.

Just the other day, I went to the bathroom, and when I came out, I heard a noise that sounded like a door closing, and she was standing in front of my pantry.

I find it extremely annoying. If I know she’s coming over, I put everything away because she is the type of person who will comment about anything that is sitting out. You get the picture. I don’t comment on such things when I’m in someone’s home, except for pictures maybe. That, too, is very annoying.

I’ve only been to her place once, because she says it’s a mess. She is always “working on it” but seems not to make any progress. She says a lot of the stuff belonged to her late brother, who lived with her for a few years prior to his death. She may be a hoarder. Is this in any way related to her nosiness?

If I can’t trust someone in my home, I’m not sure I should be friends with her.

Privacy, Please Dear Privacy, Please: heard of people stuffing their medicine cabinets with M&M’s or marbles before having guests over so if someone snoops, the person will be caught red-faced. Though such a tactic might make for good slapstick. Ask your friend about the time she snooped through her sister-in-law’s closet. What does she think compels this behavior? And the next time you think you catch her I’ve snooping, ask, “Were you snooping?”

If she keeps it up, be more direct. “Some people might not mind when others look through their pantries, but it bothers me, so please don’t do that.” If you want to stop spending time with this woman, that’s perfectly understandable.

As for the hoarding, that seems to be a different issue. You can express concern for your friend that the boxes seem to be getting in the way of her living her best home life, but stop short of calling her a hoarder. Hoarding is a form of obsessivecompulsive disorder, and it’s something she needs to seek help for on her own terms. For more information, visit https://hoarding.iocdf.org.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators .com.