Cut ties with controlling pal

Dear Annie: I have a problem with my neighbor. She is a great neighbor, has become a friend, is always helpful and is kindhearted. But the thing is that she seems too controlling. She pressures me to do things with her. Sometimes it works out well and I’m glad she pressured me to do an activity that I found out later I enjoyed. However, when my husband and I do join in, we find that we are expected to spend far too much time socializing. Other times, we are forced to abide by her schedule.

When I speak up, it seems she does not hear me. When she finally does hear me, she conveys bitter disappointment with her facial expression or voice. What should I do?

Needing to Be Heard

Dear Needing to Be Heard: Her facial expressions and voice are mechanisms she is using to make you feel guilty. It sounds as if it’s working. Caring about another’s feelings is a good thing, of course, but not at the expense of your family’s happiness. Have fun with your friend, but only on your terms.

Dear Annie: My husband works in a small auto repair shop. He is one of two mechanics. We have school-aged children, and the other worker’s children are preschool-aged. Every year, the other guy gets the manager to put up the vacation calendar when my husband is not there and takes all the school breaks. My husband has the highest seniority in our state. We have not had a family vacation in almost two years because of this. The crowning glory is that this guy signs up for all these vacations and then, at the last moment, decides not to take them. Usually, he decides the week before or just shows up at work.

I’m so frustrated because my husband doesn’t want to make “a big deal” out of it. Any ideas? I’m tired of seeing my children’s disappointed faces.

Frustrated and Angry

Dear Frustrated and Angry: You might want to have a conversation with your husband about being a little more proactive with his vacation requests. It sounds as if your husband’s partner takes the initiative to get to his boss first, and it’s time for your husband to beat him to the schedule. Try planning a vacation way in advance so he can get the time off approved.