Husband blows lid then pretends nothing happened

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for seven years. Having both been married and divorced before, we committed and agreed before we married that the words “separation” and “divorce” would never be discussed in our future.

We attend music festivals that include old-time dancing, which I love. We both agreed that it’s OK to dance with others occasionally.

An acquaintance, “Frank,” attends a couple of the same festivals. When his wife is not available, he dances with many ladies. Last weekend, we attended a festival. Frank asked me to dance a couple of times on the second day. When we got back to our camper, my husband blew up at me, accused me of “coming on to” Frank and said, “I’m leaving you. We’re done. You ticked me off yesterday, as well, and that’s enough.” When I asked what I’d done the day before, he said, “I don’t remember, but you tick me off every day, so it doesn’t matter.” I remained calm, and slowly he cooled off. We packed up the next morning to head home.

My husband has not said another word about this, and we have returned to our usual routine. I’ve thought this through, and I believe that my husband’s jealousy stemmed from his fear of rejection. His first wife left him for another man. But his words haunt me.

I have spoken to no one about this but am at a loss as to what to do. Of course, I will no longer dance with anyone else — but what else can I do? I can’t just pretend that his words didn’t cut me deeply, and now there is the issue of trust, on both sides. He has an attitude of unforgiveness. Perception vs. Truth

Dear Perception vs. Truth: You’re right that it’s an issue of trust on both sides — because trusting a partner doesn’t just mean trusting the person not to be unfaithful; it means trusting the person not to try to control you or make you feel lesser in any way.

I strongly recommend seeking the guidance of a marriage counselor or religious adviser, as your husband’s emotional volatility might make it difficult to work through without a more objective third party present.