DEAR ANNIE Date left wondering why woman ended things suddenly

Dear Annie: I recently dated a woman for five months. She is twice widowed.

On my very first date with her, I told her at dinner that I am a social cripple when it comes to dating. I hadn’t dated anyone in years. I was also concerned that she might be still grieving for husband No. 2.

We had a total of 36 dates together. About halfway through this dating saga, I asked her whether I was doing OK. She replied that I was doing fine. However, when I asked her to attend some club picnics and a family birthday party, she declined, citing conflicts.

I sensed that something was going wrong. On the 34th date, I asked for a hug. This was our first physical contact. While I hugged her, she held her hands to the sides of her body and looked at the floor. It was a very brief hug. She repeated this stance on our 35th date. On what would turn out to be our last date, she loosely placed her hands around my waist and looked down to the floor, and this hug was also very brief. I left the house with hurt feelings, knowing something was going wrong in the relationship.

The next day, I got an email from her. She stated that she did not want to become “emotionally involved” and that I should find another lady. I emailed her a brief reply, ending our relationship on a cordial note.

However, I am upset. Why did it take her so long, five months and 36 dates, to tell me about her emotional feelings? I did not discuss our relationship progress because I was concerned about her grieving condition. I would just like your comments and observations on what may have gone wrong. Senior Dating Adventures

Dear Senior Dating Adventures: Rather than focus on what she did wrong, we should focus on what you can learn from this experience. It sounds as though you need to work on your confidence. It’s OK to mention early in a relationship that you’re rusty at dating; that’s authentic, and people appreciate authenticity. Sometimes a “fake it till you make it” approach is best.

Also, the fact that you counted dates suggests you may have been fixating a bit too intently.