Daughter’s friend is bullied by her classmates online

Editor’s Note: Annie Lane is off this week. The following column was originally published in October 2016.

Dear Annie: My teenage daughter came to me because her good friend is being bullied on social media. Her friend is a sweetheart, a pretty quiet kid but very polite. I was outraged when my daughter showed me the things that classmates were saying to this girl.

It’s easy for me to say, “Just ignore them.” But these comments are mean and nasty: “Why do you exist?” “You’re fat and ugly,” etc. I would be bothered if someone wrote those things to me. I can’t imagine reading such hateful comments as an impressionable teen.

I don’t understand why others feel it’s OK to post such mean things on social media when they wouldn’t say it to them in person. I see it all over the internet, too. I have seen acquaintances of mine get into huge fights on Facebook. I don’t get where this aggression comes from.

As a parent, what should I do? From a Concerned Mom

Dear Concerned: I think it’s easy for people to forget about the real human on the receiving end of their nasty remarks. Anonymity brings out the worst in people, and this latest generation of kids is especially connected to technology and especially vulnerable to all its dark sides.

You should tell the friend’s mother that her daughter is being harassed so she can intervene and ensure her daughter doesn’t spend too much time online,. Her mother might also contact the parents of the kids doing the harassing.

On the issue of teens and cyberbullying in general: Parents, pay close attention to what your kids do online. If your child is harassing another child on the internet, you should know about it, and you should put an end to it — whether by revoking your kid’s devices or closely monitoring usage.

Kids should have no expectation of privacy when it comes to what they do on their phones and computers. You should make that clear from the start rather than secretly snoop through unsuspecting kids’ messages after the fact.

Unfortunately, cyberbullying can literally be a matter of life and death, so take it seriously. Visit StopBullying. gov for more information. Dear Annie: I would like to comment on the letter from “Shear Terror,” the man whose wife wants to cut her hair. I concur with your answer; it’s her hair, and it is only hair. When I met my husband, my hair reached below my waist. We started dating a year later, and as our relationship turned serious, he joked that he wouldn’t marry me if I cut my hair. We spent two months traveling in Europe after college graduation, and I quickly discovered what an inconvenience long hair was. That inconvenience and starting a new chapter in life, graduate school, helped me decide to chop off all the hair. The decision was not taken lightly, for some of my identity was wrapped up in that hair. Several months later, we did get married. That was over 41 years ago. I have had a variety of hairstyles throughout our marriage but never grew it back long again. Obviously, the hair did not really matter very much to our relationship, and I would hope the same for “Shear Terror.” (And if it does, then they have bigger issues.)

— Alice B.

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