Couple is not sure if they should move away together

Dear Annie: Iwill bemoving soon— several states away— and I’mtorn about the stateofmy relationship. I’ve been withmy significant other for five years. That’s not something I can easily let go of. Butwe have been growing apart for some time now, and we’ve discussed thatwe both feelwe’ll break up eventually. Our communication is second to none. He’s game to make themove withme, but Iworry that it wouldn’t be good for him— or forme— in the long run, considering we agreewe don’twant to stay together all thatmuch longer. Of course, he could movewithmeand findselfgrowth opportunities in our newplace of residence. That part can happen independent ofme, and our current relationship, should it come toanend.

But I feel guilty letting him make that jumpwhen itmay be wiser in the long run for us to go our separateways. Thiswe’ve talked about, too. Like I said, awesome communication. Anywisdomon howwe should handle this?

Torn Traveler

DearTorn Traveler: Breaking up with a partner is never easy, especially one you have been with for five years andhave awesome communication with. If you bothhave agreed that you don’t plan to stay together much longer, thenwhy do youwant him tomove with you? Of course, it’s a free country, and if hewants to followyou, that’s his choice. But youwould be wise not to encourageor discourage him eitherway.

If you think hewants to followyou because he wants a longer-term relationship, and youwant to end it, then youmust have a clear anddirect conversation with him about the fact that your future plans do not include his involvement in your life. Thatwould be honest and “awesome” communication.

Dear Annie: This is about your objection to those times when the brideand groom push wedding cake intoeach other’s faces. It seems tome that the writerwhoobjects to this, and your reply in support of him, are rather selfish. The bride and groom have been throughweeks of planning, a long ceremony, the proper dinner, toasts, photos andwedding lines, all tomake a presentation to the state, their families, their friends and the church, that they are committed. Afterweeks of stress to please others, it is fine for the brideandgroom to relax and let their hair down. A consensual face painting with cake is the couple being themselves, having fun, and showing the crowd a playful side. This playful side is a better demonstration of love than a stodgy ceremony. No damage done. Thewriter seemsmore concerned about appearances than substance, which misses thewhole point of a committed loving relationship; for better orworse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, inhappy and in sad, in hard work and in play. Let’s not omit the play! Playful Dear Playful: I’mprinting your letter because I appreciate your reminder about the importance of substance, rather than appearances, in relationships.

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