A grandmother demands reader give up family ring

Dear Annie: My mother very sadly passed away in January from cancer. She had a ring of my grandfather’s that was very special to her, and I wanted to have it. My stepfather gave it to me. Now, last week, my grandmother (her mother) who has pretty much always made both my mother and me feel like second-class citizens in our family, called and asked me if I had the ring. I told her that I did. She went on to tell me basically that she never wanted my mother to have the ring. It was meant for my uncle but that she knew he wouldn’t wear it, so she let my mom have it.

Then she suggested that I give it to my aunt, from whom both my mother and I are estranged. I told her I would not give it to my aunt. I told her it was very special tome. My grandmother then went on to suggest that I give it to my aunt’s son. She didn’t actually ask me to, but she tried to manipulate me into it. Now, I’m left feeling as though I don’t even want this ring. I am thinking of selling it because I am so mad and, honestly, because I want to spite her. I’m disgusted. What do you think I should do? Furious Over a Ring

Dear Furious: First off, I am very sorry about the loss of your mother. Secondly, your grandmother sounds like a very unhappy person. Here, you took a beautiful ring that reminded you of your mother and wore it, feeling a bit of comfort during what would be a hard time for anyone. Selling it to “get back at your grandmother” would only hurt you in the end. Allow time to heal these fresh wounds. Consider putting the ring away in a safe place for a while as you process some of this grief. Think about your mom wearing the ring and how much she loved it. Try to channel those initial positive feelings you felt for the ring. Sometimes we get fixated on a material object in order to avoid sadness. The pain you’re experiencing from the loss of your mother could be compounding your anger with your grandmother.

After a year of grieving, with a fresh set of eyes and some distance from this situation, look at the ring once more. My guess is that you will fall in love with it all over again.