Advocate: Knowing signs of abuse critical in cases like Dulos

STAMFORD — Jennifer Dulos hesitated at times as she described to a family court judge the series of events that led to her flight with her five children from the Farmington home she shared with her husband in June 2017.

But there was one defining moment that was clear to her.

It occurred a few weeks before she filed for divorce when her husband, Fotis Dulos, threatened to take their children and “disappear,” according to court transcripts of the first hearing in what became an acrimonious divorce that spanned two years and included more than 400 filings leading up to her disappearance last May 24.

“I knew in that moment when he made that threat, I knew I had to get us out of there,” she testified of a tense scene overheard by the family nanny in their Farmington kitchen on May 30, 2017. “And I knew I needed a safe place for my children and I needed to find an attorney.”

Jennifer Dulos is now presumed dead by police based on the blood splatter and blood found in the garage of the New Canaan home she rented since filing for divorce.

Fotis Dulos is now also dead from an apparent suicide last month as he faced murder and other charges in connection with his estranged wife’s death and disappearance.

But the outcome could have been different, according to a domestic violence advocate, if the divorce case was classified differently.

Domestic violence advocates say court officials failed to recognize Fotis

Dulos’ alleged abusive behavior and designated the case as “high conflict” instead of domestic violence.

“It should have been handled differently,” said Karen Jarmoc, executive director for the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence. “There should be a better understanding by judges around offender behaviors. There should be repercussions for violating court orders. If anything, the family court is empowering the offender.”

CCADV is now seeking legislation that would require drafting a “benchbook” that would be used as a guide for judges, court officials and attorneys to identify the nuances, including controlling and harassing behaviors that differentiate “high conflict” and domestic violence divorces and ways to handle them based on best practices. Judges and other court staff would also be required to attend training under the bill, which is slated to soon be presented to the Judiciary Committee.

“These very complex cases have traditionally been defined as ‘high conflict’ when in fact they are domestic violence,” Jarmoc said.

The benchbook would give judges a “better understanding” of the nuances between the two, she said.

“Family Services has to be impartial, but clearly these behaviors are so evident,” Jarmoc said. “This is not new. There is a very blanket refusal by the Judicial Branch to shift or change their practices and people are dying because of it.”

He didn’t care what the neighbors heard’

In the Dulos case, the issue of potential domestic violence surfaced almost immediately.

According to transcripts from the hearing on Jennifer Dulos’ custody and abuse request in June 2017, the New Canaan mother told the judge several times that she was afraid of her husband. She said they discussed separating for months leading up to her decision to flee with the children and file for divorce and a restraining order, according to the court transcripts.

Fotis Dulos threatened to take the children “and disappear” while yelling about six inches from her face, she testified. Jennifer Dulos ran out of the house and down the street with him chasing her, and saying “he didn’t care what the neighbors heard,” she testified.

When they returned home, Fotis Dulos fished the pieces of the agreement that he had ripped up out of the garbage and told her to tape them together, Jennifer Dulos testified. It was in that moment, Jennifer Dulos testified, that she knew she had to escape and hire an attorney. The couple’s longtime nanny, Lauren Almeida, testified during the hearing that she overheard the incident.

“She was clearly voicing fear in court and it fell on deaf ears,” Jarmoc said. “It was the argument, ‘well she’s emotional, she’s using this.’ That’s what these types of attorneys use in these cases.”

The vicious cycle of repeated court filings and lack of acknowledgment that the litigation could be a red flag for domestic violence is a problem that hundreds of victims face annually, Jarmoc said.

“The court didn’t put their foot down and say, ‘enough is enough,’ they didn’t do that,” Jarmoc said. “Family court definitely played a role in this, they didn’t stop it.”