Married woman feels guilty finding joy in male friend

Dear Annie: I am a 47-yearold married woman with two teenagers. I have a good marriage, although my husband is a difficult person to live with. He has mild OCD, is moody and has a temper. He is driven at work and, though respected in our community, is never romantic or thoughtful. He would never cheat \, but he takes me for granted.

I have tried to talk to him, but he refuses to see a therapist.

So, I have gone myself. This has been helpful, and, to his credit, he has made some positive strides, particularly with his temper. Also, I have found fulfillment in a small business I founded and run, which keeps me busy. Overall, I am reasonably happy today. The problem is that I have secretly developed a crush on a male friend, who is married with kids as well. He and I have been friends via mainly our church for many years, though we also chat at community events. Nothing inappropriate has happened, but he often texts me cute links or jokes - nothing inappropriate and usually very humorous, about things we have discussed or topics in which he knows I’m interested. I welcome the attention and look forward to his messages. I believe he has a stable marriage, but his wife has mental health issues, such as depression, agoraphobia and mild alcoholism. I know these weigh on him, though he never discusses it with me. Still, I sometimes find myself daydreaming, “What if ?” My question is whether I should force myself to end the friendship and stop the texting. On the one hand, I feel guilty, enjoying the virtual company of a man who is not my husband, and a married man. But on the other, his warmth and friendship are very valuable to me.

Torn in Ontario

Dear Torn in Ontario: It is OK to have a friend of the opposite gender who makes you laugh and brings you joy. You both sound like you are devoted to your spouses, so there is nothing wrong with having friends. However, your recent development of a crush on him likely has more to do with your current marriage than with your friend. Don’t run away from your friend because you have feelings for him, but rather run to a good marriage counselor and try and fall back in love with your husband.