The Middletown Press (Middletown, CT)
Buddy Benches aim to help end domestic violence
Legislator: ‘Hope is right around the corner’
MIDDLETOWN — On a cold and drizzly afternoon, a couple dozen people gathered at Harbor Park to herald the installation of a simple wooden bench, painted purple to signify domestic violence awareness, during a month dedicated to the cause.
The fruits of the Community Foundation of Middlesex County Council of Business Partners project, in partnership with the Rushford Academy in Durham, were unveiled Wednesday to local advocates, police, dignitaries and others, some of whom explained what the seat, overlooking the Connecticut River, means to them.
Those who recline there can see the Connecticut River, where domestic violence victim 7-month-old Aaden Moreno, lost his life in the water July 5, 2015, at the hands of his father.
“This is why this bench is very important to me — not because we know there are going to be more incidents down the road, but because each and every time the community comes together, we mourn and talk,” said retired Middletown police Cpt. FGary Wallace, director of community engagement and relations at the Community Health Center, which runs Middletown’s
New Horizons Domestic Violence Services.
“To have a place that symbolizes our feeling of togetherness is what I was looking for,” Wallace said.
On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
One in three women and one in four men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner, and one in seven women and one in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner. One in 10 women have been raped by an intimate partner, according to the agency.
Thousands of Buddy Benches have also been installed in communities across the country for students and others to recognize the importance of helping deter bullying, according to New Horizons.
A couple of weeks ago, several MPD officers met at the Rushford Academy in Durham to paint the bench alongside the students who built it.
The New Horizons annual Walk to End the Silence, which starts and ends at Harbor Park, sparked by the death of Aaden, helps raise money for the organization’s efforts. This year’s event was held virtually because of the pandemic, with prerecorded speakers. Many watched the proceedings live, and made donations to the cause, Wallace said.
People also shared photos and videos of themselves participating, purchased special Middletown Police
domestic violence patches, and even shared their survivor stories.
Wallace recalled a discussion with one victim who was “able to take back the power that was taken from her. One way to do that is to talk about your story, and empower others to come forward, get help, and take their lives back.”
“How many times do we miss that opportunity to be a buddy, to be a friend? How can we help those who need the help the most,” asked state Rep. Quentin Phipps, D-Middletown.
People can sit on the bench, take “time to think and be present, and know that if you do need support, here is one stop. If it can’t be a phone call, you do have a place of solace, a place of peace to know hope is right around the corner,” Phipps said.
The legislator reminded those gathered of the far-reaching repercussions of domestic violence, including the distress felt by law enforcement when they handle such calls. When his brother, a police officer, was first on the job, he felt ill-equipped to help in certain situations, Phipps said. “I think about him a lot doing this work.”
During his first month as an officer, Phipps’ brother was called to aid at a scene where he found a victim with a self-inflicted shotgun injury. “He received no treatment, no briefing, no mental health support, no counseling, but he was back on the job the next day. Being there for this work, oftentimes you see the absolute worst of society.”
The project was launched after several officers came to Wallace asking if they could lend their efforts to domestic violence awareness projects in the community. “They wanted to do something other than traditional police work. We want
people to get to know who we are personally, and not just as officers in uniform,” he said.
Middletown Officer Andrew Brooks suggested a purple bench be installed at Harbor Park as a way to honor the city’s victims, Wallace said. Thus began a collaboration with the Community Foundation of Middlesex County and others to help improve relations with the community.
Middletown has the first painted bench, according to Thayer Talbott, vice president of the Community Foundation programs and operations. “They keep building benches and we make sure they can buy the materials,” she said of volunteers.
There are many others on playgrounds, parks and other locations in Middletown and surrounding towns, including Indian Hill Cemetery and Spencer Elementary School; and the Kids of Chatham Day Care in East Hampton, Essex Yacht Club, Deep River, East Hampton and Essex elementary schools; as well as the giving garden in Middlefield. “We’re making our way all over the place,” Talbott said.
“I love the spirit in which this was conceived,” Mayor Ben Florsheim said as he honored law enforcement officers who helped in the effort on National First Responders Day.
“We’re thrilled it is an iconic place. Harbor Park is an important landmark in Middletown, because it has been the home, for many years, for the Walk to End the Silence. It is so important to keep that going, even in these unusual circumstances.”
For information on how donate to the cause or help someone suffering from domestic violence, visit newhorizonsdv.com or call the 24/7 hotline at 888-774-2900.