The Middletown Press (Middletown, CT)
‘Happiness and sadness at the same time’
Sisters balance joy of a wedding, grief over loss of their father
MIDDLETOWN — Two sisters are drawing on their sense of humor to help process the “blessing” of the hastily-pulled-together wedding of their youngest sister at their dad’s bedside in the ICU just two days before he died.
Sara Estela and Michael Krystek of New Britain were wed at Middlesex Hospital, in full protective gear amid the pandemic, the bride said.
Juan Estela of Middletown, 67, who suffered from asthma, COPD, diabetes and congestive heart failure, was admitted to the Middletown hospital on Christmas Day, after his family realized he was struggling to breathe, according to his daughter Alyssa Broe.
Sara Estela wants to spread the joy the family felt when her dad was able to be at their marriage, even though the family wasn’t sure he was aware of it because his eyes
were closed and he was being aided with a breathing device.
“With everything going on in the world right now, people need a feel-good story. It’s not something
the community needs — it’s something the world needs,” she said.
Amanda Falcone, Middlesex Health public relations director,
noted that “each day, we provide compassionate care to our patients and their families, and sometimes, that means connecting family members so they can enjoy their last moments together,”
“It was our privilege to care for Juan and to help him attend his daughter’s wedding. Our hearts go out to Juan’s family, and we wish the newly married couple all the best,” Falcone said.
After the Zoom wedding ceremony, the family prayed. As they said amen, they said they were shocked at what followed.
Their father had his eyes shut during the ceremony, Broe said. But then, “His eyes shot wide open. You heard him say, ‘Wow. Married. Sara got married.’
“‘I did it. I did it. I attended it,’ he said. It was very emotional,” Sara Estela said.
Their father died Monday.
Juan Estela never indicated, or likely knew, his condition was as dire as it turned out to be, Broe said.
The sisters laughed when recounting how their father was absolutely thrilled when they sent him a “goodie bag” of sugar-free snacks early in his stay.
“He got into the candy. He was in his own little paradise. He popped little jelly beans into his mouth and was all content like a child,” Broe said.
The family would joke about his tendency to open the icebox — even minutes after it was filled, Broe said.
“Before he said ‘hi,’ he was sticking his head in the refrigerator.”
She laughed thinking about the time the fridge was filled to the brim just after they went grocery shopping. Her father peeked in the freezer and said, “Why is this ice cream just sitting here?”
It had only been inside for 10 minutes, Broe said.
Juan Estela, a Jehovah’s Witness, didn’t observe Christmas due to his faith, although the sisters do, they said. For the entire family, it was a secular day during which they celebrated with one another, Broe said. That morning, the sisters went to pick him up for holiday dinner and noticed he was struggling to breathe.
“He came down (the stairs) and he was the grayest, pale color,” Broe said. “He was extremely bloated. He would take a couple of little steps, and be out of breath severely,” said Broe, who attributed the swelling to his heart issues and asthma.
Juan Estela took a nebulizer treatment and appeared to perk up. “He smiled and laughed a little bit, but his breathing was still not good,” Broe said. Eventually, they insisted he go to the emergency room.
“As much as we want to have you here all day for dinner, we need to get you to a hospital,” she said.
Their father, who lived by himself, had a fear of hospitals, and dreaded needles, Broe said. The thought of staying overnight would have frightened him, she said. “He’s the type who would try to sneak away.”
Estela, who was on a very limited income, had a “heart of gold,” and would often eat at the St. Vincent de Paul Middletown soup kitchen so he could donate to St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital, the daughters said.
“He was doing all this secretly,” Broe said. “He would give you his last $5.”
During the early days when Estela was at the hospital, the family learned both of his kidneys had shut down. Physicians were mystified as to why he had deteriorated so quickly, Broe said. After a series of tests, they learned Estela also had cancer — prostate and stage 4 multiple myeloma.
“If we didn’t force him to come over for Christmas, he would have been dead in a day or two,” Broe said.
Before doctors could conduct a biopsy on his prostate and kidneys, he went into cardiac arrest, she said, and “He flatlined on the table.” Emergency crews were able to bring him back after 10 minutes, Broe said.
Originally, Sara Estela and her now-husband had planned to marry in May. Realizing Juan Estela could only have days, if not hours, to live, they sprang into action, and were somehow able to get a minister friend to wed them via Zoom as the family watched.
Only the bride and groom were allowed in the room due to COVID. The couple spent less than $100 on the arrangements, Sara Estela said. “We bought some cheap rings we thought were so beautiful to us. It didn’t matter about the ring. It didn’t matter about having anything fancy. It mattered that my dad was there.
“Even though it was a $20 ring that I swore my vows on, it was the most meaningful thing I could ever have,” she said. “People think when you buy a ring it’s about the money you spend. That’s not it at all,” Sara Estela said. “It’s about the love you share with that person ... and the people around you when you’re saying those vows.”
“The ring can always be replaced, but the person that you’re with can’t,” Broe said.
The bride has had a difficult time processing the rush of emotions she’s been feeling.
“I was overcome with joy. I felt so sad, and at the same time, speechless,” Sara Estela said. “My heart still aches with happiness and sadness at the same time.”
She held her husband’s and father’s hands as she and her husband exchanged vows. “I wanted him to know we were there beside him,” she said.
The family has been doing a lot of crying since the death of their patriarch, Broe said.
“I know in my heart I will see him again one day. That brings me a lot of peace,” the bride said.
The family has set up a GoFundMe drive, “Juan’s Multiple Myeloma & Funeral Expenses,” with a $5,000 goal. For information, visit gofundme.com.