Woman frets over ending on, off relationship

Dear Abby: My now-ex and I had a complicated, four-year on-again, off-again relationship. I finally ended it five months ago, but I’m still not sure whether I made the right choice.

Every guy I date I compare to him. It’s hard to imagine myself with anyone else. We were so similar, and we made so many plans together. Our families weren’t crazy about us being together. I backed away many times because I wasn’t sure of us in the long term.

Maybe it was because I’m only 22 and scared of committing forever, or because I want to be a doctor and have years of schooling ahead of me. Our relationship was always very hot and passionate, but it turned very cold and distant sometimes.

I’m confused. Did I leave for the hope of something better or a fear of commitment? Or was it because I’m young and still trying to figure out my life and felt he was holding me back?

Second Thoughts In Arizona

Dear Abby: I’m in a profession that I don’t enjoy anymore, and I would love to venture into another field of interest. I have been in this industry for 10 years, and it carries a lot of stress that I’d like to rid myself of. My concern, however, is that my husband is not working, so I bear all the financial weight. We have two kids, and he’s a stay-at-home father, which is what we want for our children. We have been fortunate to be able to do this on my income alone, but I’m afraid this has obligated me to maintain a job in which I’m not happy in order to ensure my family’s financial security.

How can I try to discover my passion so I can be happy in my day-to-day while keeping bills paid and food on the table? Is this even possible, or must I suck it up?

Seeking Something New Dear Seeking: If you haven’t already begun, start a dialogue about this with your husband. If he’s willing to change the dynamic of your arrangement, the answer could be as simple as his taking a part-time job to ease some of the financial burden on you while you explore your options. I’m sorry you didn’t mention how old your children are, because after they are back in the classroom, he might be able to find something during their school hours.