Man’s glib comment eats at woman

Dear Abby: I had weightloss surgery three years ago and lost 134 pounds. Two years later, I traded addictions and became a problem drinker. During this time I met a man, but my drinking came between us and we broke up. I stopped drinking three months ago. He contacted me and, when he found out I had quit drinking, we had lunch and talked and we are now dating again.

After a week of dating, he said, “I notice you are eating more than when we dated before. Have you stretched out your stomach?” I said, “No, because I’m no longer drinking, I now eat three meals a day.” He said, “I sure don’t want you to gain back all that weight you lost!”

My feelings are very hurt and I’m even a bit angry. I really do like him. What should I say to him that will convey my feelings? I want to stand up for myself without being crass.

Trying Again in Arkansas

Dear Trying: The next time you are face-to-face, say, “I would like to revisit something you said to me recently. You said, ‘Have you stretched out your stomach? I sure don’t want you to gain back all that weight you lost!’ It was really hurtful. Surely you know I don’t want to gain back all the weight either, nor do I intend to. But if eating healthfully means I’ll carry a few more pounds than I did when I was drinking, you will either have to accept it or I will have to stop seeing you.”

Dear Abby:

My daughter is having a small wedding. I have one sister that my daughter and I speak with who is invited to the wedding. I have another sister who hasn’t been in contact with my daughter in 20 years. We have minimal contact.

The invited sister is now threatening to give her invitation to my other sister! Have you ever heard of such a thing? She feels that no matter what, family should be invited, and she has taken it upon herself to invite our other sister to the wedding. How do I handle this situation?

Mother of the Bride

Dear Mother: Tell the sister you are still speaking to that when an invitation is sent, it is intended only for the individual whose name appears on the envelope. Contact the sister you speak to RARELY and explain that your daughter’s wedding will be a small one, and since she hasn’t been close to your daughter in 20 years, she is not on the guest list.

If that doesn’t do the trick and she crashes the wedding, don’t make a scene. Seat her in the back and explain politely that because she wasn’t invited, no accommodation has been made for her at the reception. Focus on your daughter on her big day and avoid any backstage drama.