No, you need not give gifts to the birthday kid’s mother

Dear Miss Manners: Would you be so kind to explain to me why it’s the new protocol, when invited to a child’s birthday party, that your child is expected to give the honoree’s mother a wrapped gift for giving birth 16 years ago? Now it’s two gifts that must be purchased for a birthday party — one for the mom, one for the child.

I thought the husband was expected to give the mom a piece of jewelry, privately. It’s their moment, not to be shared with 30 kids from the birthday child’s class.

Entitlement is rapidly spreading, even in this time of financial issues for many. I might just go to a thrift store, purchase a participation trophy, wrap it up for the mom and congratulate her on a job well done in giving birth to her daughter.

I find this new custom rude. If a hostess gift is expected, I’ll bring chocolates, flowers or a trinket — certainly not a $75 purse!

Gentle reader: This “new protocol,” if it is one, is ridiculous. Miss Manners had heard of the unfortunately titled “push present” for new mothers, but 16 years after the fact is absurd. Receiving it from anyone not directly involved in the birth, even more so.

Dear Miss Manners: I’ve been training my dog not to lunge on the leash whenever we pass another dog. Toward this end, when another dog is approaching us, I’ll pull my puppy girl off the sidewalk, get her attention, make her sit, then give her treats.

Fortunately, my doggie will do anything for a treat. Unfortunately, the other dog walker in this equation almost always tries to make small talk with me while I’m engaged in this training routine. They approach me and my errant dog, who will again start to lunge, and ask if their dog can meet my dog.

Have I mentioned that my sweet pup weighs 90 pounds and doesn’t know her own brute strength? I’ve been dealing with this by ignoring the other dog walkers, but quite frankly, that feels rude of me. But if I were to split my attention, things could get ugly, as my doggie is prone to meltdowns if she doesn’t get her treat.

Is there a polite solution here? I’ve got it under control otherwise, and my pup is making great progress.

Gentle reader: Ignoring someone who is speaking to you is rude when a quick response — “I’m sorry, no. She’s not fully trained yet” — would surely not be a great risk. If you wish to be more emphatic so as to get rid of them sooner, Miss Manners authorizes you to grit your teeth slightly and look as if you are about to be overpowered by your sweet pup.

Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I have season tickets to our local basketball team. Our favorite snack at the arena, by far, is peanuts. But I always feel guilty eating them because there is no way to crack the shells without making a mess.

There isn’t even a receptacle to put the empty shells into, so they just end up on the floor. I always feel bad for the arena staff who have to clean up after us — but at the same time, the arena sells peanuts, so I imagine it is the expectation of the cleaning staff that some people will eat them and the shells will then have to be cleaned up.

Is it OK to eat peanuts at the game? Or should we skip our favorite snack?

Gentle reader: What happened to the bag the peanuts came in?

Dear Miss Manners: We have the loveliest neighbors anyone could wish for. They own two sweet cats, who spend their days in the great outdoors.

Our dear neighbor was recently lamenting that they had to “finish” a small bird their cat had attacked. I felt awful for the bird! How do I gently tell our neighbor that pet cats should be kept indoors, or closely supervised when outside? These are bright professionals, and I am confident they know this.

Gentle reader: The bird no doubt has a different opinion about the desirableness of your neighbors and the sweetness of their cats. But unless the bird was a member of your household, it is not in your purview to train either the cats or the neighbors.

Dear Miss Manners: A friend brings his paper cup of coffee into a good restaurant. I don’t think this is good manners. What do you think?

Gentle reader: That your friend’s estimation of the restaurant is not as favorable as yours.