Customers look to husband for confirmation of answers
I’m at a loss. I work full-time in a home improvement business with my husband. We have been working together in this business for 25 years. There’s just the two of us, and we work extremely hard. I am on site at least 35 hours a week, as well as handling most of the emailing and accounting, half the estimate writing, and all of the scheduling.
Obviously, it is crucial that we communicate with the customers before, during and after the project. Customers often have questions, and if I am the right person to answer it, I do so. The customer will then give a vacant nod and look to my husband for confirmation that I have answered correctly. Or, they will ask the same question again to him. Or, after I answer, they turn to my husband to ask a follow-up.
I am treated as the secretary, and my technical skills and knowledge are ignored. This behavior happens with customers of all ages and genders.
I would like to know a polite way to insist that I am actually part of the problem-solving team.
Do I interrupt their recap of the question? Can my husband refuse to answer and redirect the question to me? I’m not sure how to respond to their obvious rudeness in a way that is polite but firm.
Gentle reader:
Correcting customers’ behavior effectively — without offending them — is a two-person job. The next time you answer a customer’s question, only to have that person look at your husband, his response should be, “That’s my wife’s area of expertise. When she says that’s what we should do, then that’s what we should do.”
If you are inclined to protest that this is a misogynistic solution to a misogynistic problem, Miss Manners will remind you of two things. First, you said the business was a partnership. Second, who invented this solution, and who will be telling your husband what to say?
Dear Miss Manners:
The doorway from my place of work to the parking garage is at the end of a long hallway. If you are walking down this hallway, there’s only one place you can be going — a set of two doors with a gate where you scan a badge in between.
Possibly because I am an older woman with a limp, people often hold the door for me, even when I am still some distance from the door. I then have the option of continuing to walk at my usual pace while they stand there, which feels uncomfortable, or speeding up so that they do not have to wait as long, which is also uncomfortable. Or I could yell for them to please not hold the door, which feels impolite.
The door is not heavy, and I am perfectly able to open it myself. What do you suggest? Can I please also suggest to your readers that holding the door is not necessarily the polite thing to do if the person behind you will feel pressured to break into a trot?
Gentle reader:
Unless the person is auditioning to be a doorman (and perhaps even then), one holds the door open only for people who are nearby. But let’s not discourage people from being considerate of others.
And nearness is not measured solely in inches. Eight feet may be near for a young adult who sees that the person behind them is loaded down with packages — while a parent, distracted in the rush to pick up a sick child from school, might reasonably consider that far.
Those who ignore such reasonable limitations may find they are spending a lot of time standing in corridors. If you want to release them from their good intentions, Miss Manners has no objection to a loud, “Thanks. Please don’t wait for me.”
Dear Miss Manners: Weeks ago, I had a pretty bad accident in front of my neighbors’ front door. They were outside, and the wife is a former nurse.
They offered to drive me to urgent care, because there was no way I was going to be able to drive myself. I needed about 10 stitches in my hand, so they went grocery shopping while I was getting stitched up, then picked me up when it was done.
On the way home, they stopped by a fast-food place that I’m a fan of, and said, “Order whatever you want; it’s on us.”
How do I pay them back?
Gentle reader: By thanking them profusely in a letter, if not necessarily in chicken nuggets. And by being an exceptionally observant, considerate and helpful neighbor.