A DOWNSIZED THANKSGIVING
Go big on taste by stuffing, roasting a succulent turkey breast
I’m sure the Germans have a word for it. Something like “Gerstelugenfechten.” You know what I’m talking about: that guilty relief you feel from having been absolved, by virtue of an unrelated catastrophic event, of an obligation you’re supposed to enjoy but really wouldn’t. Like, say, when you’re slated to cook for a whole heap of people but now you can’t because there’s a pandemic and nobody’s coming over? Total Gerstelugenfechten, amirite?
Still, we’ve got to eat. And just because Aunt Poot and Uncle Fudd’ll be dining in their own hermetically sealed Steri-pods instead of dodging the ‘Rona on their way to your place, Thanksgiving’s still going to happen, like it or not. So let’s cook a little turkey. Emphasis on “a little.”
Why you need to learn this
Over the river and through the woods, to grandmother’s house we’ll ... OK, not her house. Her front yard, where we’ll wave through her front window, faux cheer spilling icily from our rictus-plastered faces, before
laden platter while grandpa lurks behind her in a jet-black suit like a First, I totally understand if beaming undertaker. I’m thinking — as the fear of societal collapse a roasted turkey breast. What’s engulfs you — you’re inclined to nice, too, is you can get a whole- or disregard the holidays altogether. a half-breast, and tailor your meat I get it. I, myself, am nearly ready output to the size of your gathering.toplotz.
Still, you could at least give a Turkey breast is easy. You can passing nod to the day. Make some pretty much just toss it in the oven turkey chili, crack a bottle of corn and wait for that plastic gizmo — squeezin’s and put some Mantothe one stuck into the side that vani on the Victrola. It’ll soothe signals it’s done by popping up your savage breast. — to pop up. Without getting into
Ixnay on the urkey chili-tay? specifics, figure roughly 15 to 20 You may be hankering for someminutes per pound. Take it out of thing more “traditional,” somethe oven when it hits 160 degrees. thing reminiscent of that iconic The residual heat will bring it Norman Rockwell painting of grandma hefting the turkey
heading back through the woods and then back over that dang river again. Because even though you’d literally wrestle a beaver for just one bite of grandma’s stuffing, you’re not about to be Covid Cathy. Nope. You’re going to stay home and cook something delicious for that close-knit crew you’ve been isolating with.
The steps you take
up to 165 degrees, the temperature that conjugates the perfect marriage of moisture preservation and bacteria decimation.
Up for something a little more involved? How’s about brining?
Without getting all science-y, brining is simply submerging uncooked meat in salted water. If you’ve got room in your fridge and a couple days lead time, brining leads to a juicier, more flavorful breast. Use a 16-to-1 ratio of water to table salt. Add brown sugar, too — about half as much as the salt. Herbs, spices or aromatics, like bay leaves, peppercorns or garlic, wouldn’t hurt, either, although I’m not convinced the average punter can taste the difference.
If you do brine the breast, start it on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Take it out on Wednesday, rinse it and dry it off, then set it uncovered on a wire rack over a baking sheet in the fridge to dry out overnight.
If you want to get even fancier, lay overlapping strips of bacon over the breast. Better yet, weave a bacon mat (like a tight, lattice pie crust). The bacon imparts a subtle, smoky flavor as it roasts while the fat bastes the breast, helping to keep it moist and juicy.
Or, get even schmancier andstuffthe breast.
It’s easier than it sounds.
Set aboneless, butterflied whole- or half-breast onto its skin side, cover the meat with stuffing, then roll it up andtruss it like ahostage. Blammo.Whenyoucarve the roasted breast, the arresting interior spiral design will distract your guests — all both of them— fromthe inevitable rage-filled holiday political discussions. And please tell meyouweren’t going to mention the election to AuntPoot.
As for the stuffing, make it denser rather than fluffier. Cut your ingredients smaller and use breadcrumbs rather than the larger pieces found in packaged stuffing kits. It’ll hold together better and therefore look better when you slice it. Aunt Poot’ll be all like, “And another thing about the vot- ... ooooh, look at the pretty spiral!”
Now, if I know you — and I think I do — you’re wondering, what kind of dressing. While any dense stuffing will work, I’m partial to sausage stuffings. To me, that’s a nod to classic old dishes like the French ballotines and galantines (That’s your homework: Look it up). Also, since turkey breast is pretty mild (or bland, if you want to get stinky), the addition of a boldly flavored sausage can only make your bird more interesting.
One last thing: Whatever you make, remember to be grateful for your good fortune. As bad as things get, they can always get worse.