Father is stealing son’s medical marijuana

Dear Amy: My 30-year-old son “Danny” lives with me and my husband because he has serious health problems.

Danny works full time and has a medical cannabis card. He purchases marijuana every week.

About a year ago, I discovered that my healthy husband has been stealing marijuana from my son’s bedroom and has been using it regularly. Danny was upset but is too nice to confront his father.

I bought Danny a lockbox in which to keep his medication and told my husband that this situation is totally unacceptable. I even consulted a divorce attorney.

My husband said he is trying to stop using, but he continues to search my son’s bedroom when my son and I are out. He also lies to me.

I would like to go away to visit a friend for a few days, but I’m hesitant to do this because I will not be able to monitor my son’s bedroom, and I’m afraid my husband will take my son’s medication while I’m away. I would appreciate any advice on how to deal with this.

— Fed Up

Dear Fed Up: In addition to stealing “Danny’s” property, your husband is also denying him doses of medication which he presumably needs. (Medical cannabis is used to treat many different illnesses.)

This is an extreme violation, as well as a very sad lack of parental compassion toward his son.

When your husband says that he is “trying to stop using,” but continues this behavior regardless, he is admitting that he has a problem. You don’t note how this cannabis use affects him, but if he believes he needs cannabis to treat his own maladies, perhaps he should consult with his own doctor.

You have correctly intervened and given your son a strategy to protect his stash, but now you are also caught in the somewhat familiar cycle of “policing” your household in order to protect all parties from the logical consequences of your husband’s actions.

In protecting your son, you are also attempting to control your husband. That’s a lot of work — and it shouldn’t be your job.

You should leave your household for a few days; doing so might help you to clear your own head and explore what changes you might make in order to live your own life the way you want to.

You might return home with the realization that it is time for an ultimatum: Either your husband gets help for his own problem, or you two will need to separate.

Dear Amy: “Caught in a Family Feud” was planning a family get-together for their newly discovered half-brother.

Caught was worried because one brother, “Eric,” would behave badly at the event.

The day of having to tolerate angry guests is over. Now, I only invite people who are well behaved, and Zoom in the others briefly.

— Peace in the Valley

Dear Peace: The ability to “mute” people might make Thanksgiving gatherings more tolerable this year.

Copyright 2021 by Amy Dickinson

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