Marriage is a gift, but what about the gifts of singleness?
My friend Hank was recently visiting with me about possible future articles to write. The marriage gift came to my mind.
The uniting of man and woman as one in marriage was God’s first gift to humankind (Genesis 2: 23, 24). But, the gift of singleness, while timely, is not addressed frequently. It’s often subtly communicated that marriage is the ideal relationship to pursue in life. But, that’s an incomplete premise, as no person is truly single.
Singleness, just like marriage, points toward an ideal — the marriage of God in Christ with humanity.
With so many circumstances impacting relationships in our society, we have a high number of ‘celibate’ singles. They don’t necessarily choose or wish that state for the rest of their lives, but there they are anyway — at least for now. But, celibate singleness is a gift from God.
We don’t have a lot of biblical teaching on single persons, but in the lives of the Apostles Peter and Paul, Peter was married (Matthew 8:14, 15 ff ) (1 Corinthians 9:5), while Paul was called to lifelong celibacy as a gift from the Lord. Both led focused lives of total giving of themselves for others.
Singleness is not some kind of cultural oddity — a waiting room before becoming married. One purpose of our lives is to become people who miraculously and supernaturally love like Christ loves. There are two ways that we can pursue that life — the married life or the celibate life; both are gifts from God.
Persons have different ways of coming to celibate singleness. Some are widows and widowers who through their loss, experience the truth that a heart awakened and given to great love can also be opened to suffering. The divorced also are
entered into celibate life.
Other persons have a lifelong celibate calling. Some take celibacy vows within certain church traditions. Others just have an agreement with God saying: “This is what I feel like I’m called to.” Then there are
those who have a seasonal celibate life saying: “I’m celibate right now, but I feel a healthy desire to be married.”
Regardless of the particulars, celibates are not living in the introduction of their journey of life; the period to move through to get to their real-life story.
If you’re living a celibate life now, you are enabled to focus your life on God. Take for example Anna, the Bible character who after marriage and then becoming a widow at the age of 84 became a prophetess constantly serving God in the temple (Luke 2:36-38).
However, there’s a temptation by many to reject the gift of singleness. The emotions of the heart, such as loneliness, cause some to seek ways out of the celibate life, as men or women are created for something outside themselves. Further, our culture and society attempt to convince us that the single life is a disconnected life. But celibacy can be an engaged life, leading to immense wisdom and understanding of God.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a devout Christian, wrote: “The essence of celibacy is not detachment … it is profound and full engagement”.
On the other hand, singleness is not to be a season of experimentation, where you try this and that sexually to figure things out. Rather, it is the season of celibacy, when singles are to live a life for the Lord with joy and engagement. So, are there appropriate romantic expressions of joy between men and women celibates? Yes! Each is a person needing friendship and companionship, but this needs to be done within God’s boundaries of Scripture.
In these latter days, we’re living between the present two realities of the supernatural work of Holy Spirit and in anticipation of when Jesus Christ breaks through the Eastern sky.
Let’s all join in a Cross-based unity by truly appreciating and caring for one another, whether we are living in marriage or in singleness.