Would turning in my son to police make me a bad mother?
Dr. Wallace: I’m not a teen, but I’m a parent of a teen who has been in a lot of trouble lately. I’m a single mother with three children. My eldest, the troubled one, is 19 and the younger two are 14-yearold twins.
My 19-year-old son lives at home and I’m sad to report he has been associated with a very poor circle of friends. I know for a fact he is doing drugs and has been involved in various illegal activities.
Recently in our area on the local news there was a report about a break-in burglary overnight at a local business. I noted this report at the time but didn’t think much else about it. However, in my son’s room I found a stack of products that I know for certain had to come from that business. He was out all night the evening this burglary occurred.
I’m thinking seriously about calling our local police and turning my son in. Do you think it would make me a bad mother if I reported my own son to the local authorities? In the back of my mind, I think this might be the best thing for him, because incarceration may also give him a chance to be without drugs for a period of time. —A Very Worried mother
A Very Worried Mother:
No, I do not think it would make you a bad mother to report what you have seen. To be sure that what he has in his possession is indeed from that store, I recommend that you first take photographs of those items from different angles including all of the markings on the boxes.
Then when you go to the authorities, you can show the photographs to them, just in case there is some reasonable explanation for your son having these items. It will also help to clarify that these are indeed the specific items that are missing.
For parents of teens who find themselves constantly in trouble, it’s quite a fine line between being supportive and loving a child versus providing tough love to help that child to eventually take a better course in life.
Do not make any advance accusations directly to your son. Go to the authorities and let them handle the matter from there. I commend you for your bravery and your ethics in not wanting to potentially look the other way if your son did indeed commit a crime.
I’m stuck comparing the guys i’ve dated
Dr. Wallace: I’m a girl who is 17 years old and I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for two months now. Before him, I had a steady boyfriend for a little over a year but unfortunately that boy moved with his family across the country, and he now lives more than 2,000 miles away from me.
When he left, we both agreed it was best to date other people and not assume that our relationship would turn into a long-distance, fruitless romance.
We do occasionally talk to each other via Facebook or email, but for the most part we pretty much moved on with our lives.
My problem is that when I’m dating this new guy, I constantly compare everything he does or anywhere we go together with what I used to do with my former boyfriend.
My new guy is very nice, but I just don’t have exactly the same feelings for him that I did the previous boy. Is it normal for me to keep looking back instead of being able to live my life more in the moment? I don’t plan to break up with my current boyfriend, but I just find it hard not to compare every little detail with what I knew in the past. — Constantly Looking Back, via email
Constantly Looking Back:
I feel it’s normal to compare relationships to one another and even individuals to one another when it comes to one’s romantic personal life. However, don’t forget that you’ve only spent two months with this new boy, compared to over a year with your previous boyfriend.
It could well be that within the next six months you feel differently about your current boyfriend than you do right now. As to your previous boyfriend, it could be that your mind is funneling you toward that age-old saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” since when you look back on those days you are likely recalling and attempting to relive your best days with him.
Give your new relationship the time and the attention it deserves. You don’t have to forget about your past but do your best to actively focus not only on the present but on future plans, outings and fun occasions you look forward to spending with your current boyfriend.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.