I’m in the dark about why my parents feel as they do
Dr. Wallace: I’m 16 and I recently met a guy who is 17. We both attend the same high school, we have very similar backgrounds and we even practice the same religion.
Even though I’ve only been dating him a month and a half, I can already tell he’s a great guy. He plays sports at our high school, and he even works a parttime job on the weekends to return money to take me out on dates.
He’s friendly, has a good sense of humor and he gets along very well with all of my friends. However, I do have a problem! Both of my parents don’t seem too fond of him, and my mother in particular often tells me she doesn’t like my boyfriend at all.
Why do you think this is? When I bring up the subject with my mother, she repeats that she doesn’t like him, but she won’t go into any details or give me any reasons to back up her position. Then, when I go over and ask my father, he simply doesn’t say much and refers me back to my mother.
I’m growing tired of hearing the complaining without understanding what they’re basing it upon.
— In the Dark as to Why, via email
I’m in full agreement with you and your viewpoint. You are the person actually in the relationship and you find him to be an outstanding partner to this point for various reasons, which are quite normal and standard.
Your parents, on the other hand, are harboring some position that they are opting not to share with you. I feel that if they wish to complain about him, they should explain at least in general detail what their concerns are.
In The Dark As To Why:
Otherwise, they should say nothing, unless there is a critical reason they feel the way that they do, in which case, they should inform you of this immediately. My hunch is that one of his family members or family friends is someone that one or both of your parents does not like for some reason.
Of course we have no proof of this, but I have encountered similar situations in the past, as your story is similar to a few I have heard previously over the years.
My advice is to make your own judgments about your relationship based upon your own firsthand experiences. If your parents eventually disclose a very compelling reason not to date this boy, then address the issue at that time. If they continue to say nothing, I would stop asking about why they feel as they do and simply focus on your schoolwork, your relationship and being a good family member when it comes to all other topics in life other than this one.
Never succumb to peer pressure
Dr. Wallace: I’m a good student who is a junior in high school and has never been in trouble. I get good grades and I’m planning to go to college in a few years.
My current problem is that I have three close friends who I’ve known for several years who have all recently begun experimenting with what they call mild drugs and just a little alcohol.
They’ve told me that they simply want to know what these things are all about and they’re experimenting quite carefully. Recently, they realized that I’ve never tried either substance, and so they are not only encouraging me to but they also are actually pressuring me to join them so that we can all have “meaningful” discussions about the merits or drawbacks of each substance.
This makes me quite uncomfortable. I’d like to know if you have any suggestions on how I can best answer them in a way that will allow me to still refrain from joining them in trying these substances, ones that I have no interest in becoming involved with.
— Not Looking for This Experience, via email
Not Looking For This Experience:
You were quite wise to refrain from engaging in taking these substances. Peer pressure has been around for dozens of decades and beyond, and I have yet to receive a letter singing the praises of succumbing to peer pressure when it comes to consuming illegal substances.
And in today’s world, where the very real danger of a fatal fentanyl overdose exists within any rogue pill sourced outside of the registered pharmacy, it is beyond unwise to take any drug simply because a friend encourages you to do so.
You may need new friends quite soon, but in the meantime, you can tell them that you can still participate in “meaningful” discussions with them and that since you care about them your viewpoint can be centered on their personal safety and well-being, rather than what temporary effect a substance may have.
Do not give in. Only you can protect your body, your health and your life in instances such as the one you’re experiencing now.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.