I was shocked to see my brother vaping

Dr. Wallace: My parents have lectured all three of us kids for many years about the harms of smoking or breathing any harmful substance into our lungs. All three of us have been very good about this and to my knowledge none of us has smoked a single cigarette, ever. I am a junior in high school this year, my older brother is a senior, and my younger sister is a freshman.

Well, the other day I happened to see my brother hanging out with some friends at a local park, and I was shocked to see him take a hit off of one of his friends’ vape contraption! I was stunned and he did not see me since I was something like 40 yards away from him. I watched all of them for 15 more minutes and only the guy with the vape contraption smoked it from then on.

This made me think that my brother simply tried it once, but wasn’t really into it and maybe had never vaped before and was simply curious. Do I say anything to my parents or to my older brother about this? I don’t want to start a riot at our family dinner table.

— I Can’t Believe What I Saw, via email

I can’t believe what I saw:

At this stage, I wouldn’t say anything to your parents, but I would definitely suggest that you speak directly with your brother. Tell him that you have information from an extremely reliable source who saw him take one puff of whatever product was in the vape machine. Then simply asking if this was true, and why he did it. Then say nothing and simply stare at him. Of course, you should have this conversation with him at a time and place where you cannot be overheard by anyone else, so do this away from your family home if possible.

Let him answer you and then tell him how much you care about him and that you hope he’s not going to engage in this activity repeatedly. He may confess to having done it and told you what you suspected, that he just wanted to try it one time, but doesn’t plan to do it again. This might be true and if so, you can keep an eye on him in the future to see if you notice any changes with his breathing, coughing, or anything else that would indicate he’s been vaping regularly.

But a bigger problem may exist if he denies directly to you that he even took the one puff that you yourself witnessed. He will likely think you got this information from a thirdparty, and he may then try to put you in a situation of deciding who is telling the truth, him or the other person. Since you already know the truth, if he takes this path, it’s an extremely bad sign. This may mean he has been engaging in this behavior for some time and does not want to be found out.

Proceed carefully but consistently. Check with his friends or acquaintances who might give you the honest take on whether he’s vaping regularly or not. If he is, do go to your parents about this matter. Vaping is extremely dangerous, and he could be putting his health and even life at risk if he’s inhaling a substance that he does know the origin of. Many illegal and dangerous substances are inhaled, often with bad results.

I’m really worried about best friend

Dr. Wallace: How can I diplomatically warn my best friend about a guy she’s just started dating? Here we are at the beginning of a new school year and she’s head over heels over this particular guy, but I have some solid information that indicates his character and motives are extremely poor.

I fear that if I tell her everything, she may become upset with me or feel that I’m only saying these things out of jealousy. But the truth is I deeply care about her, and I’m very concerned about her relationship. I don’t want anything to do with this guy no matter if she does or does not date him.

She comes from a large family and has two older brothers and three younger sisters. I really wish she had an older sister so that I could tell her exactly what I know and how I came to know this information. But the problem is her eldest younger sister is three years younger than she is and would be too immature to handle the entirety of the situation, so I know it’s best not to drag her into details that would go over her head.

Don’t tell me to speak to her mom either, since her mom seems to love this guy too from what I can gather thus far. I’m really worried, so please answer me as soon as you can if my letter is interesting enough for your column.

— I’m Really Worried for Her, via email

I’m really worried for her:

Have you considered speaking to one or both of her older brothers? I’m not sure what type of relationship you have with them, but most older brothers are very protective of their younger sisters, especially when it comes to dating guys that may not have great reputations. Since I don’t know the details of exactly what you know, it may or may not be appropriate to tell her brothers what you know. If you feel it may be appropriate, then it might be wise to hold a sit-down meeting with both brothers simultaneously to explain to them what you know and how you came to know it. Take care, however, not to inflame them or to put them in any situation where they would enact violence or do anything illegal in seeking retribution. Simply let them know that you care deeply about your friend and you feel that someone has to speak to her in confidence about this information.

If speaking to her brothers is not appropriate for whatever reason, then you should absolutely go to your school administration office or the school’s counseling office about this issue. Based on the tone of your letter, there may be something quite unethical or illegal involved. The best alternative for you in that case would be to turn it over to your school’s administration personnel and let them bring the situation to her parents directly. In either case, you can ask that you be left out of the situation entirely, or as much as possible.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift. com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.