Child wants to help put some spark in her mom’s social life
How can I get my father to pay more attention to my mother? This is the gift I want most for the holidays this year. My parents are not at risk of getting a divorce or anything like that, but it seems that my father just takes her for granted.
He’s a good provider and he works hard at his job, but around our home he just drinks and watches sports all of the time. My mother would love to go out to the movies with him, or out to dinner once in a while, but he only takes her out on her birthday.
What can my siblings and I do to help our mother out a bit? —The Eldest Sibling, via email
The Eldest Sibling: Well, for example, you could buy your parents a restaurant gift certificate for both a holiday gift and for Mother’s Day as well. Also, be sure to “help” your father plan for their anniversary in advance of when that comes up.
Think also about family friends and your aunts and uncles. Perhaps you could speak with them in an effort to spur some activities as a group, whether that be a trip to the movies or an outing to a local restaurant or a concert everyone might enjoy.
Many times, adults from previous generations allow themselves to get into routines that can become “ruts” if they are not freshened up here and there. I think it’s great that you both notice that your parents need some time out together and that you took the time to write in to garner a few suggestions. I’d also like to survey our readers and ask them to email us any further ideas we can relay in future columns on this topic.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME: ‘NOT YET’
Dr. Wallace: My son wants a motorized skateboard for his primary Christmas gift this year, but I am hesitant to give him one. He turns 13 in early January and although he could use a new skateboard, I really don’t want there to be a motor on it.
One reason I’m hesitant is that he refuses to wear a helmet when skateboarding, and the second reason is that he needs the exercise. He’s already nearly 20 pounds over his target body mass weight, and any and all exercise I can get him to engage in is welcome.
I also know that once he has a motorized skateboard, he’s soon thereafter going to want a motorized bicycle as well. At least the old bicycle he has now is one that moves forward only via the effort of “peddle propulsion” and this might be one of the reasons he rarely if ever rides it.
I realize that I may be a step or two behind the times on my thinking here, but my gut is telling me, at least for now, to stick to holding off on motorizing his mobility. What do you think? I’m a single mom, so the decision is mine.
His father lives over 2,000 miles away and only mails my son a birthday card and a holiday card and nothing more. — Old-School Mother, via email
Old-School Mother: I can’t argue with your logic.
Each parent needs to make their own decision when it comes to this topic. But in any case, not wearing a protective safety helmet should not be an option and should be a disqualifier for participation for any young child, motorization present or not.
The costs of the motorized products are much higher also, so I feel the first funds applied before a child receives a motorized product of any kind should be first spent on protective headgear, plus elbow and knee protection as well.
There may be a time and place you are more comfortable allowing your son to utilize and own a product with motorization. But set ground rules in advance, be sure you know what age and level of maturity would make you comfortable, and of course insist on all the protective support that is currently available to be a prerequisite.
Until that time arrives, follow your gut feelings. And in the meantime, perhaps you can encourage your son to take walks or hikes with you when the two of you have free time together. Not only will he benefit from the exercise, but perhaps the two of you can have fun and meaningful discussions as you walk and hike along together while he is still young and more impressionable than he may be a few years down the road.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift. com.