Spirtual healing first requires the desire to get well
The stories of our lives can be viewed as rings on a tree stump. They circle around and around telling of our good and bad years. The person at the Jerusalem Sheep Gate Pool in John’s gospel apparently had many bad years being ill for 38 years. It is surprising, then, the question Jesus asks him: Do you want to get well?
We say, who wouldn’t. But think again. Be honest. So many of us daily replay in our heads stories of past injuries, failures, dashed hopes, lost loves, snubs. Suffering from these wounds we fixate on the past, leaving little space to develop our inner life and change. With the person at the pool, we sadly utter: every time the waters open, and the time seems ripe for healing somebody steps ahead of me. Sometimes that somebody is the little voice in our head that says you will never be enough, never be happy. We stop trying or let old memories capture our energy. Complaining or doing nothing is easier than picking up our mat and walking into a new, unknown future.
This failure to launch a new ring in our life journey is helped along by the voices in our culture. The leaders of our pool man’s time’s reaction was it is unlawful to carry your bedroll on Sunday. Really?
Somebody is suffering for 38 years and all you have to say is it is against the rules to get better? Such a response insinuates one must have been faking it all along. Your kind is lazy and no good. So, we sigh, listen to those voices, and most times remember who we have been, retelling to ourselves our old, old stories of I am unworthy of healing.
I would like to say getting rid of our old trauma stories is as easy as saying our prayers. It is not. It is much more like seed that must be nourished with sunlight, water, and planted in nutritious soil. The beginning and focal point is to reorient yourself to the present. Live in the moment and not the past. And then surround yourself with the tools and people who like the sun and rain will nurture your efforts at wellness.
An antidote I repeat like a mantra is: it is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. Life hands us all kinds of defeats and victories. We cannot control many things, but we can choose how we respond to the situations in which we find ourselves. There are many aids to assist us on our journey. We can seek the guidance of pastors and counselors, wise friends and elders, join groups for support or delve deeper into the scriptures. Seek spiritual direction, focus on hearing the Holy One speaking to us.
There are many resources, books, podcasts, etc. that lay out guided steps to transformation.
One of my current favorite books is titled Awe. It reminds us of the healing powers of nature, music, art. Awe heals trauma by putting it in perspective in the life cycle of all things created. When I see that first daffodil pushing out of the ground I gain perspective. That job I didn’t get or non-inclusion in a friendship circle falls into proper perspective in my life cycle. I realize I can push on and sprout new growth.
In my first parish I regularly visited a homebound woman who had become a bit of a hermit. Each time I visited she always told me the same discouraging stories. One day I was determined to elicit something new from her so I thought about her life and devised some questions. She responded with a whole new realm of stories. A new light came into her eyes and mine too.
The day after Jesus healed the paralyzed man, Jesus saw him and excitedly exclaimed: you look wonderful. You’re well! Don’t look back but look forward. There is much waiting for you! There is much joy and peace waiting for us if we want to be made well.