Feeling helpless on how to fight weight problem

Dr. Wallace: I’ll keep this short and sweet because there are all sorts of reasons, factors and circumstances that have led me to being a high school student who is about 50 pounds overweight.

I of course would love to lose weight, but I’m lost as to how to do it and I loathe the idea of the proverbial “weight loss clinic” and having to go somewhere like a student being sent to detention.

The thing is, I know what I need to do, I just don’t know how to do it or even how to approach it. It all seems so daunting that I’ve just silently stayed in my rut, and here I am with no progress and no hope of change, at least so far.

I know I need to eat fewer calories, and I know exercise is good and I need to get moving, so please don’t tell me what to do, but if you can, give me any ideas or suggestions on how I can do this. Even getting started seems impossible since I’m so far away from where I want to be. My situation feels hopeless at this point.

— Need Help, via email

Need Help: Thanks for taking the time to write to me; it’s great that you know what you need to do in terms of eating fewer daily calories while getting your body moving in some ways that can help you on many levels.

My suggestion to you on the “how” as opposed to the “what” is to get out a notebook and start taking notes and writing down your thoughts on this topic. Put the date down each time you make an entry so you can go back and read where you started from and what progress you’ve made over time.

Any undertaking seems almost impossible when you look at it from the position of a current dead stop and seek to scan the distant horizon to see yourself where you wish to be.

The key is incremental progress. Take even very small positive steps every day. It’s not how you start but how much momentum you can generate over time. Before you do anything, write down what types of foods you can cut down on. (Notice I did not say “eliminate.”) Write down also just a few ideas on what kinds of healthier foods you can eat as you give up portions of the ones you plan to cut down on. Seek to match those two up every day. Cut the volume of the ones you need to cut and increase the healthier volumes slowly, even very slowly at first. The idea is to take your time but make gains.

Do the same with activities. Start small and leave yourself plenty of runway to be realistic. Even if you can’t always increase your time, distance or activity each day, think more about keeping your “streak” intact. Do what you can and stretch yourself when you know you can, but keep your streak of doing something positive in these two areas alive as long as you can. And if you do miss a day or two here and there, start a new one and track that you are “24 of 25” or “44 of 47,” for example.

Seeing your progress written down should be a huge motivator to you and a form of worthy self-congratulation. You need to be proud of yourself, and I know you can do this by sticking to a gradual plan over time. Count me as a person silently rooting for you.

Dr. Wallace: I’ve had poor luck in the dating world, and I find myself currently single as a 20-year-old college student. I spent some time going over my past relationships and I can now see I likely subconsciously fell into being attracted to the same type of, shall we say, poor personalities. I now see that every one of these relationships was likely doomed from the very start.

I don’t mind my past relationships being doomed; I just want my future ones to have a legitimate shot at being worthwhile and having at least a realistic shot at working out over the long term. Any ideas how I can best break out of my unproductive tendencies?

— Ready for a Fresh Start, via email

Ready for a Fresh Start: Good for you that you’ve taken time to look back and take inventory on your past lack of success.

First, look elsewhere. By this I mean you should vastly broaden the venues you circulate in. Think public service, volunteer work, hobbies, interests, passions, activities and anything else that represents who you are. What are your goals in life? What things make you happiest? Go forth in those areas and circulate, circulate, circulate! Network and be as sociable as possible as you enjoy doing things that make you happy or proud.

Next, review your past failed relationships and think hard about warning signs you may have overlooked more than once. Promise yourself that the moment you even get a whiff of anything similar that you’ll move on and not engage a person giving off that vibe. Your future self will roundly thank you. If you spend enough time in areas you really enjoy, you’ll have more than enough opportunities to connect with someone compatible with you.