The Morning Journal (Lorain, OH)
Man wants to fix unstable girlfriend
DEAR AMY >> My girlfriend and I are both 28 years old. We have been living together for two years now, and I love her very much, but we are far from perfect.
My girlfriend is the most emotional woman I have ever met. She cries almost every day — several times a day over the smallest things. For example, she cries when she’s out of cigarettes and can’t afford more and when she’s out of marijuana to smoke (it’s possible she has post-traumatic stress disorder); she has been prescribed Xanax for her anxiety). Sometimes she doesn’t even know why she’s crying. She also has anger issues, which end up causing her to have accidents and get hurt.
She tells me I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to her. I do everything she asks of me, and more.
Amy, I would die for her, but sometimes I feel resentful because she takes advantage of me.
Recently, I made a horrible mistake and started a flirting relationship with a friend of mine.
Can I let this slide, if I promise myself I’ll never do it again? Help! — Worried BF
DEAR WORRIED >> You are alarmed about the wrong thing. Your girlfriend seems to have very serious emotional problems and possibly mental illness, and she needs a (fresh) professional assessment and treatment. Clearly, the Xanax is not working. Nor are the cigarettes and pot.
You appear to be a hostage to your girlfriend’s illness and behavior. Your choice to flirt with someone else should tell you that you need some relief from the oppressive atmosphere at home.
Despite her hints that she owes her life to you, please understand that it is not your job to fix your girlfriend. Her emotional, mental and physical health are her responsibility. Her behavior is extreme, and her illness has the power to profoundly affect your life. You are walking on eggshells at home.
The relationship you are in is abusive, violent and frightening. It is not normal, and it is not safe for you. Please put your own health and safety first, and consider leaving this relationship unless she gets professional help and is able to change.