Grandmother wants thank-you notes for gifts

DEAR AMY >> Iam 13 years younger than my husband, which unfortunately means I am only six years older than his oldest child.

I didn’t help raise any of his four children, while my husband helped me to raise my young son after we got married.

I have a great relationship with all of the children, their spouses, and nine grandchildren.

When I was a child, my mother made me write thank-you notes. I hated it. I am now a dedicated note writer and I understand why it is important to acknowledge a gift. I want to know the recipient received the gift.

My grandchildren do not send thank-you notes. I would take a text of thanks or a phone call.

If my stepmom (who did not raise me) told me my children should write thank-you notes, I would be upset, if not angry.

I don’t want to stir up a hornet’s nest, but I also want my grandchildren to know the courtesy of thank-you notes. Should I ask my husband to say something?

— Young Grandma

DEAR GRANDMA >> If you have a great relationship with all of your husband’s kids, then you should enlist them to help you to feel acknowledged.

You cannot insist that these parents force their children to put pen to paper and write thankyou notes, because this is basically trying to force them to be different parents than they are. Presumably you are training the child you raised to be gracious in this way.

You can ask the parents, “Hey, could you do me a favor and have your child shoot me a quick text or a little video when they receive something from me — that way I’ll know that it landed in their hands.” Also mention this to the children when you’re in touch with them.

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