Temporary breakup prompts friend’s nasty text

DEAR AMY >> I need some perspective.

My fiancee broke up with me for a two-week period, for seemingly no reason. She was apparently going through family issues and felt she couldn’t be a good girlfriend while coping with all of that.

During that break, my best (guy) friend sent her a nasty text about how poor this decision was and how much she “didn’t deserve” me.

My fiancee and I got back together soon after his text was sent.

The problem is she still holds a grudge against my best friend because she feels he shouldn’t have gotten involved.

In my eyes, he was just being a friend, but it’s gotten to the point where she doesn’t even want him at the wedding, where I want him to be my best man. I’ve tried talking to both of them and he’s willing to bury the hatchet if she is, but she’s not, and is holding a grudge. What should I do? — Groom to Be

DEAR GROOM >> I’m not going to react the way your friend did, but before moving on to your question, I do think it is important for you to recognize your fiancee’s behavior as being worthy of scrutiny. She dropped you suddenly and without explanation. I assume you trust her to stick with you now?

Your guy friend should not have sent this text. His choice to do so illustrates the wisdom of not being triggered and reactive when responding to someone else’s personal situation.

However, even if it was a mistake — surely your fiancee could understand that loyalty toward you drove his behavior. She might have friends (or be a friend) with this level of loyalty, where feelings temporarily override good judgment.

Your friend should not merely offer to “bury the hatchet.” He needs to personally and sincerely apologize to your fiancee for his choice to send a nasty message to her. He had many better choices he could have made in the moment to show his support for you.

Does your friend still believe that your fiancee doesn’t deserve you? If so, he probably shouldn’t stand up with you at your wedding. You and he should have an honest and private conversation about this.

You should encourage him to apologize personally to your fiancee. If he chooses to apologize, she should honor your longtime friendship by accepting his apology.

Amy Dickinson