Woman’s visits to elderly give neighbor the creeps

DEAR AMY » I live in a condo building that was previously inhabited by many elderly people who have since either passed on, moved to retirement homes, or are in nursing facilities.

My neighbor has lived here longer than I have and makes a daily habit of visiting the former residents. This includes going to nursing and dementia care facilities.

This strikes me as odd. I’m in my 60s and, frankly, I don’t know of anyone who visits the elderly and infirm like this. She sometimes comments on their family situations.

Although I do not have any solid evidence of mistreatment of these people or finagling to get their funds, I have a creepy feeling about it. My question is, if I ever see evidence that points to some wrongdoing, who do I contact? I don’t personally know these people or their families. — Feeling the Creepiness

DEAR FEELING » In my world, this sort of behavior is called, “friendship.” And friendships — or neighborliness — doesn’t necessarily stop when people move away.

It does not strike me as odd to visit elderly or infirm people. It strikes me only as kind, and it is something that some people do not only because they are kind, but because they genuinely like being with older people.

However, I want to add a caveat — and it is an important one. Whenever it concerns vulnerable people, such as children or the infirm, it is important to follow your own instincts. If you sincerely believe this feeling is justified (and certainly if you encounter any actual evidence of wrongdoing), you should definitely act on it.

You can do an internet search for “adult protective services” in your area, and share your concerns with a case worker. Information on elder abuse (and referral to reporting resources) is also available from the National Eldercare Locator, a public service of the U.S. Administration on Aging. Call toll-free (800) 6771116.

Amy Dickinson