Single guy wonders if he should give up the ghost

DEAR AMY » Iama shy single guy in my mid-20s. Like many people my age, I am on a major online dating site where I have communicated with some wonderful people.

I have been talking recently with one woman who is about my age. We seemed to hit it off, messaging each day for a couple of weeks about our interests, dreams, families, etc.

I finally asked if she would like to meet up on a specific date. She responded that she would be away during that time, but she would love to meet up after she returned. She said, “I promise this is not just an excuse!”

However, I now see that her profile on the site has either been deactivated or deleted.

Am I being “ghosted?”

I interpreted her statement that she would love to meet after a specific date an indication that she was still interested, but did I misread the signals? This is my first experience with this, so I do not know how to interpret the behavior. Should I wait until the specific date passes in order to see if she just deactivated temporarily due to traveling?

Should I just accept this as a cost of dating in this era (that some people will ghost) and move on?

I have knowledge of one of her social media accounts where I can contact her.

Should I contact her through that medium, or just let sleeping dogs lie? I really thought that we clicked, but I don’t want to go into the “stalker” territory and not see a “no” if it is there. What do you think?

— Wondering

DEAR WONDERING » Yes, I think you are being “ghosted.” Ghosting, for those people fortunate enough not to have experienced it, is a very sudden and unexplained withdrawal from contact, although ghosting usually refers to an actual relationship, not a possible relationship.

Another modern concept, “bread-crumbing” is the despicable practice of basically messing with someone by throwing down little bread crumbs of (digital) interest, without ever consummating an actual “meet.”

Just as modern life makes it easy to connect, it is also easier to disconnect, with few consequences.

You should not spend time waiting for a specific date to arrive to see if this woman resurfaces. You should re-enter the dating site and carry on, attempting to meet people. You don’t seem to be doing anything “wrong,” and so you should continue being your best self, on and off this site.