Sisters don’t want annual family vacation

DEAR AMY » Every year, our aunts, uncles and cousins plan a yearly “European family vacation.”

The “Reunion Committee” sends out an “invitation newsletter” informing family members about the location, venues, etc., and after each vacation they send a follow-up newsletter about how much fun they had, where they went, what they ate, etc.

My two sisters and I have no desire to attend these so-called “family vacations” because for one thing, we cannot afford them, and we have not seen or spoken to these family members for about 20 years.

We live simple lives and really do not fit in because they are on a different socioeconomic level. We love them, but don’t fit in with them.

We appreciate their including us in the planning of family vacations, but we are just not into this.

Our question to you is how can we tell the Reunion Committee to kindly remove us from the mailing list, without coming across as nasty and rude? — Three Simple Sisters

DEAR SISTERS » Although you say you love these family members, you also say that you have not seen or spoken to them in two decades. If this annual vacation roundelay is your only contact, you should initiate some other form of contact with them before you cut this off completely.

You can’t control how people interpret this request: “Please remove my sisters and me from the family group vacation email chain.” But I wonder if you really care how these people view you, since the undercurrent of your question is laced with judgment for them having the gall to try to include you in a family vacation that you cannot afford (or simply don’t want) to take.

You feel excluded from these family members because you haven’t seen them in 20 years. And you continue to not see them because you feel excluded.

The best way to feel part of a family is to spend time with them. The second-best way is to be in touch with them.

Amy Dickinson