Parents disagree on whether three kids are enough

DEAR AMY » My wife and I have three beautiful children. I am ready for a vasectomy, but my wife does not want to permanently close the door on having more children.

I have tried communicating my feelings and desire to move on to the next phase of life. I have no desire to start the infant cycle over again.

My wife is an amazing mother and has a deep love for children. How can we come together on something we completely disagree on?

— Husband and Father

DEAR HUSBAND » When it comes to sex and the pregnancies that sometimes result, the person who says “no” should prevail. In this regard, your wishes outweigh your wife’s. And so — just as a woman will use birth control when she wants to exercise her right to prevent pregnancy, you should use birth control to assert your right to prevent pregnancy. Your options are somewhat more limited than your wife’s, and I can understand why you would want to get a vasectomy.

There are many ways to experience the deep love of children other than having another baby. Your wife could work at a nursery school or at your kids’ school. She could volunteer holding and nurturing babies as a “cradle cuddler” at your local hospital’s neonatal unit.

You don’t have any equivalent options.

You two might have success discussing this with a couples counselor, who could cuddle and coach you both through this very important issue.

DEAR AMY » “Driving Me Nuts” complained of her 90-year-old husband’s sexual “jokes” directed at women.

Approaching 80, I have seen lots of men my age, and older, expect laughs from ill-timed, ill-told or just plain unfunny stories.

If this guy’s behavior doesn’t respond to spousal admonition, maybe he ought to see a doctor. A talking-to by a health care professional might help sharpen his focus.

— Mike

DEAR MIKE » Thank you for sharing your perspective. I had a feeling that this man was always this way, and — like you — I believe that these comments and “jokes” were never funny.