Parent’s contract might not be enforceable

DEAR AMY »

My son is graduating from high school.

I made him sign a note stating that if I helped him edit his college essays, he would practice his writing skills over the summer. (Many books recommend that parents, teachers and guidance counselors should help students edit their college essays, and that obtaining feedback is valuable.)

My child has now been accepted into two honors colleges — partly due to these submitted essays, and partly due to a relatively high SAT score, GPA and extracurricular activities.

These honors programs require advanced writing skills.

I know, however, that his writing skills are weak and I am afraid that he will do poorly.

He has a B in AP English, but mainly because of multiple-choice tests.

I believe he has the ability to write well, if he practices, but with less than three months to go before he leaves for college, and after finding no suitable practice books, how should I make him practice?

— Needing Much Practice

DEAR NEEDING »

You seem to be claiming at least partial credit for getting your son into two college honors programs. At the same time, you slyly diminish his work and accomplishments.

By your estimation, he really should not have been admitted, because he cannot do the work. You, however, seem like a good candidate.

The contract you made your son sign says: “I’ll polish your work so you can get into a good school. But then you’ll have to guarantee that you’ll learn how to polish your own work.” You haven’t offered any tools for him to fulfill his part of the contract.

Your son should succeed in college — or not — on his own. Given the level of your involvement so far, he could face a shock when he gets to college. Many students do, but they rise to the occasion through developing study strategies, visiting the writing center or asking professors for help.

It can be very hard for an involved parent to disengage, and yet, you must. (When I was pushing one of my daughters to attend a specific university, she snapped: “If you like it so much, why don’t you go there?”)

Lower the heat on this exercise. If your local community college offers a summer English or writing course, encourage him to take it. Also encourage him to read, read, read.

Liberation from your anxious gaze and judgment could unleash this young writer — once he leaves home.

Amy Dickinson