Loss of work friendship grieves colleague

DEAR AMY » I’ve been a longtime reader. I love your pragmatic advice. I never thought I’d write in, but I am.

I have a coworker with whom I’ve worked for 10 years. He and I were fairly close.

Over about six months, he gradually stopped talking to me unless it concerned work-related issues.

I’ve reached out to ask whether I’ve offended him in some way, and he always claims to be stressed out, and tells me I’ve done nothing wrong. However, his sudden and blatant favoritism toward others within our small team is extremely hurtful.

I’m not an extrovert and do not make close friends easily, which makes this difficult to get over.

Short of looking for another job, what can I do to get past his obvious dismissal?

— On the Outs

DEAR ON THE OUTS » I wish I had a more definitive and pragmatic answer for you. Work friendships are in their own category, and personal relationships at the office can carry professional advantages.

This man has backed away from your friendship without explanation, and while it shouldn’t have an impact on you professionally, practically speaking — it does. For one thing, work is probably simply less enjoyable without interacting with a work pal.

You have done your best to see if you are at fault, and he has assured you that you are not. You have no choice but to believe him. He could be facing pressure from a partner or spouse to distance himself from you. You should examine whether he is actually favoring others, workwise, or if the void left by your lost friendship merely makes it seem that way.

If you can’t get beyond his choice to retreat to the purely professional, you should see if you can transition to another work team. Yes, you might decide ultimately that the best course for you is to look for another job.

In the meantime, try not to ruminate on this too much; friendships run their course, and it is painful when one ends without a rational explanation. The good news here is that you were able to make one friend, and over time, if you relax, don’t blame yourself for this and don’t become skittish toward others, you will make more.